Several months ago, I posted here about a friendship that had become incredibly one-sided. Every conversation seemed to circle back to her, and over time, I felt like I only existed in the friendship to show up for her. The overwhelming advice was to stop overextending myself and create some distance, which I did.
Since then, I've pulled back completely, and the emotional exhaustion has eased. I had hoped the distance might create space for reflection, though I also recognise that I avoided having a direct conversation because guilt and conflict have never come easily to me.
Recently, after being hospitalised, she called me and later framed it as her "checking in" on me. The thing is, this has always been the pattern: conversations often begin as though there is interest in how I am, but inevitably shift back to her, her struggles, and what she needs. I didn't answer the FaceTime call, but I sent a message explaining that I'm currently in burnout, my capacity is very low, and that although I was thinking of her, I don't have much to give right now.
She replied, "It's ok sweetheart, I totally understand. I'm still in hospital, had another procedure today."
Objectively, I know being in hospital is significant, and I genuinely empathise. But emotionally, it felt like yet another example of the same dynamic. I shared something vulnerable, and the focus immediately shifted back to her.
That has been the pattern for a long time. It has left me feeling invisible, emotionally drained, and questioning my own worth in the friendship.
Has anyone else experienced a friendship where someone may genuinely care, but still consistently leaves you feeling unseen? Is it okay to address it after being the one who created distance, or is it better to simply maintain that distance?