Clarification: This is the first "installment" in a series of 8-20k word parts of a story that come together to make a whole. As the beginning of the story and inciting incident, I have to make sure I get this one right, as everything that follows is reflective of it!
Genre clarification: it is "porn with plot." Technically Erotica, and quite graphic and detailed, but done in direct service to character and theme. This installment has fantasy elements, comedy, action, and some suspense.
I write mostly MM or M, but there are mild bi elements in the overarching story—I would call it 90% M/MM, and maybe 10% MF/MMF. It's an urban fantasy with flavors of many genres. This installment has about that much F content as well, though most parts will only feature MM depending on the characters involved.
Blurb: Peyton will do anything to hide from the increasingly disconnected world he lives in, and from himself. Through a series of fantastical circumstances revolving around him without his prior knowledge, he gets caught up in a dangerous plot with other people and will have to look deeper in order to survive.
Content:
Sexual: masturbation, edging, orgasm denial, inappropriate porn use, ruined orgasms, public play, road head, brief MF penetration.
Non-sexual potential triggers: liberal use of the F word, excessive cannabis use (not portrayed as a good thing), violence, mild blood, horror elements.
Feedback requested: First off, Peyton has a metric ton of baggage, and I only spelled out the tip of the iceberg. Thinking of this as the first "chapter" of a much longer story, what foreshadowing comes across? Did you become invested in Peyton or any of the other characters? Would you read more from Peyton's perspective, and/or be willing to explore this setting through the eyes of other characters?
It's important to me to know how the story feels. Is there an approachable amount of tension? How does Peyton come across as a character? Is my writing consistent? Does the story/writing convey a particular tone? Do you find yourself asking questions (good or bad way), and did anything take you out of the story? How is the pacing (too slow in the beginning? Too fast later?)? If you lost interest and stopped reading early, at which point and any idea why?
I'm looking for a lot of feedback about reader experience and interest level, in a general sense. Even if you read it and only give me one sentence, I'm here to grow and part of that is seeing how what I'm writing lands!
If interested, please DM me. I have my google doc ready to go! Thank you!