u/Altruistic_Spare_658

I ‘28F’ caught my partner who I will call Paul ‘33M’ cheating with his past girlfriend /situationship which I will call Pam 30F’’. My partner and me have been together for over 2 years now, we celebrate our 2 year in November. I became suspicious of him based off just how his demeanor was. It seemed like he would get irritated more if I ask simple questions and then claim that I’m thinking too hard, but it wasn’t a big thing. He also had times when I wanted it to be intimate and he kind of gave me a bogus reason as to why he didn’t want to, it was just off and I got feeling something wasn’t right. So eventually, I looked through the call data sheet and I found a number that just kept popping up and when I searched it, it was his ex and I wasn’t trying to think much of it because me and him both have friends that used to be exes and it’s no problem, but he never brought her up that they were talking again. Now Pam, she was a very toxic ex to him like she got back with him shortly before I got with him just so she can break his heart the way he hurt her. My partner Paul told me about that, and we still move forward with it because that was before my time. Eventually, I called Pam last month and she confirmed my worst nightmare that yes she initiated it but they slept together twice and sent me text messages to prove it and everything. I brought it up to him, he didn’t deny it he simply said “it’s true, do we move forward?” and rightfully so I was still pissed. I took a day and I decided that I want to attempt to get past it, looked through his phone in front of him saw he flirted with someone else a year ago and he says it was nothing, that he wanted to be with me. And still I wanted to try. He blocked her and removed Snapchat for me to be comfortable and then if I ask any questions, he says that he would answer. It went from. Is there any possibility of her being pregnant to do you love her, all the questions but it would be random times I ask, I don’t yell about it, I just say I have this off feeling can we talk about it? yesterday yesterday he sent me an article about vaginal health to show my daughter and I saw BV there, TMI around January I got BV, thought possible hormone imbalance cause that does happen sometimes with me but now since I know he cheated around that frame I asked did she have something cause it could possibly be from her and he instantly got mad and said he doesn’t wanna do this anymore. He said what does knowing that do for me, I said I just wanted to know but apparently not a good enough answer. He said he couldn’t anymore and I broke down not understanding and him not wanting to talk but says he loves me still, we didn’t cuddle at all last night but this morning as I’m on the couch hugs me and gives me a kiss but before he leaves work just to then call before his shift him still asking why do I have to know. More backstory in all my past relationship they all cheated, and I never wanted to stay like I do with him, why. I don’t know what to do our, how to cope in a healthy manner and basically is it even worth trying.