AIO for wanting to step down as maid of honor because I feel excluded from the wedding planning?
My cousin is getting married in October and I’m supposedly her maid of honor. Ever since we were kids our parents always talked about how we’d be maid of honor at each other’s weddings one day, so this was emotionally important to me.
The problem is… I feel completely excluded from everything while simultaneously being blamed for “not helping.”
Every time I try to help, I get shut down.
I ask about decorations and her vision for the wedding: “Already handled.”
I ask about dresses: “Not now, there’s time.”
I ask about the guest list: “Not important right now.”
I ask about venues: “Already taken care of.”
Meanwhile, both her and her mom constantly say things like:
“You never help.”
“You never ask about the wedding.”
“You don’t do anything.”
Then I found out there’s literally a separate group chat with my cousin, her mom, and the other bridesmaid (our other cousin) where they discuss and plan everything — and I’m not even in it.
So now I feel like they’ve created a situation where I’m excluded from all planning but still blamed for being uninvolved.
The bridal shower situation pushed me over the edge. I started planning ideas with the other bridesmaid and wanted to book a place. Then there was confusion about the guest list because in our culture it’s considered rude not to invite all the women in the family.
I asked her mom for clarification and instead of answering, she basically lectured me again about “not helping enough” and asked why I wasn’t including the bride herself in planning.
Then I asked the bride directly and she said she wanted a theme… except I had already been asking her almost DAILY for over a month what theme she wanted and she kept putting it off.
I also suggested doing a henna party and spent weeks trying to figure out if she even wanted one. Suddenly she tells me it’s already booked.
At this point I genuinely feel unwanted as maid of honor and more like a placeholder title than an actual part of the wedding.
AIO for wanting to tell her I know about the group chat and that I’m reconsidering being her maid of honor?
**Thanks everyone for responding. I realized I forgot to mention that I actually DID try talking to her about this multiple times before posting.
I told her directly:
“You keep saying you’re stressed and I’m literally trying to help you. I’m your maid of honor, let me do something.”
But every time she responds with:
“It’s okay, there’s nothing to do.”
So I did try to address it before, more than once, but nothing really changed.
Also, she doesn’t know that I know about the wedding planning group chat. She never told me about it herself. I found out because another cousin is in it, and her mom mentioned to my mom that they’re planning everything there.
The group includes:
1)The bride,
2) Her mom,
3) Our cousin,
4) the other bridesmaid/maid of honor.
So from my perspective, it feels like everything is being discussed and decided there while I’m outside of it.
I also didn’t just “back off.” I’m STILL trying to plan the bridal shower. I keep sending villas and places we could book, but every option I send gets rejected because it’s “not good enough.” At the same time, I’m still waiting for her to decide on a theme because I can’t buy decorations or properly plan anything until she decides what she wants.
That’s why I’ve been getting frustrated. I feel stuck between being told I’m not helping enough while also not really being included in the planning.
**I’m so sorry I meant bachelorette party not bridal shower, English isn’t my first language I forgot what it’s called.**