sharing the truth with my parents
throwaway account
im looking for some support. last year, i came to terms with what happened in my childhood. my whole life i had a vague memory of the experience, a dark basement, my older cousins being alone with me, being under the sheets. i always assumed since we were all children, it was just "playing doctor", but i also knew something about it was wrong since i had always kept it a secret from everyone, my parents especially.
i accepted the truth incidentally, because of the song "cousins" by kanye west. while most people were disturbed by the song, i came across an online thread discussing how common COCSA was. this helped me understand what i went through, the 20 years of feeling like something was wrong with me. it has been hard!
i actually confronted one of my cousins about this and was able to confirm that this actually happened. this "revelation" has helped me realize how my poor memory correlates with my internalization of the whole experience. i am so sad how little of my life i have retained, maybe related to shoving this memory away. i want to move past it, and feel like i should reveal this to my parents to help shed some weight off my shoulders. i'm looking for encouragement and advice.
i was thinking that writing a letter would be the most comfortable way of communicating it to them. they are going to be so sad. i know they will feel like they failed me as parents because i didnt have the courage to tell them about it when it happened. (although im sure at the time my cousins shamed/pressured me in order to keep it secret)
unrelated, but i also had an abortion a couple years ago that i kept secret from my parents. this is another thing i want to "come clean" to them about. they wont judge me for this, they are pro-choice, but again i feel like they will be hurt by this truth, and sad that they weren't able to help me through it at the time. i have kept these secrets so long because i want to protect their feelings but i know now i need to put myself first, regardless if it changes how they look at me.
thank you in advance for reading and for any help you can offer. any tips for how to communicate, what might be helpful to say, or what i should avoid saying. you are all so strong and brave. thank you