My (30f) ex (30m), who we’ll call Jack, and I are in a pretty tight knit friend group from college of around 8 guys and 4 girls, though he’s a more recent addition (started hanging out with us around 6 years ago, the rest of us have been very close for 13 years). We started dating long distance in May of last year and it moved very quickly as we had been super close for years. He started cheating on me with a random girl in his town in July, and dated her simultaneously until he broke up with me in November (and gave me an STD in the meantime!). It was a short lived relationship, but it had a massive impact because of the history.
I found out about the cheating in December, when two members of our friend group (Chris and Kyle), who live in the same town as him, told me about the other girl thinking I already knew - Chris and Kyle had found out about the cheating in September and confronted Jack, who promptly lied to their faces and said he had come clean to me and we worked it out.
It’s been a rough, rough ride for me mentally, and I was in a very dark place in December/January/February. The friend group all got together for New Years Eve (Jack was not invited) and I told Chris and Kyle that I did not expect them to ice Jack out for forever, since they all live so close and, prior to this situation, hung out regularly.
Flash forward to now. Chris’ bachelor party is coming up this month, and Jack has confirmed he is going despite them not really talking for the past several months (or so I’ve been told). Since the cheating scandal broke (lol), Jack has been pretty much silent in all of the boys’ various group chats (fantasy football, video games, etc), presumably in an effort to not invite animosity and blend into the background while the tension settles. Obviously this bachelor party will be his attempt to solidify his friendships once more and move forward in the friend group.
I am really bothered by this whole situation. I’ve realized how, despite the fact that the boys all ‘took my side’ in the beginning, none of them have actually confronted him about his actions or called him out in any significant way. These are my very close friends of many years, I know that they love me and deeply value our friendship as we’ve gone through some very difficult times together. But I can’t help but feel a bit betrayed by them.
If this was some random dude who had done this to me, they would have come to my defense in a serious way, likely verbally abusing him and threatening violence, as men do. But with him…..it’s just the cold shoulder, and more likely than not he’s going to be back in their good graces by the end of the month.
I know I told them I was okay with their being friends with him, but that was in a different stage of my coping and now I’m in the angry phase just as their beginning to forget about the whole thing. I want to call them, primarily Chris and Kyle, and talk to them about how I’m feeling, but I just don’t see a solution that would make me and them feel good. I really don’t feel like I can see the situation clearly and thus am turning to the good people of Reddit. What should I do?