u/Altruistic-Stock-784

After going through the subreddit it feels like my pwBPD was on the higher side of the spectrum.

The signs were always there She had so many relationships from a very early age, back to back relationships, having exes as friends and hanging out with them etc.

But I let it slide (I know even this is the unacceptable) because our relationship felt nice, i felt I was important, I felt loved even though she used to split on me. I was being understanding.

As many have mentioned I never felt my person mirrored me because she had her own interests and she used to hate some of mine.

But the moment I broke up and she discarded everything hit me.

• She said she loved me as much as her dead mother and proceeds to monkey branch within next 48h.
• Total indifference towards me after her next supply got secured. No more crying or feeling sad that it ended but total indifference.
• Blocks me when I pointed it out for a month
• Comes back with 0 apologies and asks for a meet (she was bored). sends me a pic of her so that I can compliment her and proceeds to go silent again. Can you imagine same women who said her will to live as gone because I broke up.
• This woman used to do this with all of her exes when we were in relationship too.
• I don't even recognize her. How can a person who you saw a future with for a whole year grow so indifferent in just few days of breakup.

Who did I even love? was this all a act? It feels like I loved a reflection of myself. she put a mirror infront of me to hide her non existing sense of self and never ending validation seeking from men in her life.

How did I love this human so much?

I don't want to think of her. Look for what ifs or waste a single brain cell or time of my life on this.

I had a gf before her and its been 3 years and I don't even think of that ex not even 1%

I feel due to the weird dynamic we have with our Pwbpd and how intense it was. I fear, I might never move on, never stop thinking of her.

I don't want to think of her, its over the chapter is closed. I wish I never met her.

Someone who conquered this phase please tell me it is possible.

Like many here on this sub, even I was secretly hoping for a hoover while I was working on myself and when the hoover actually came it was so horrible that I wanted to puke.

Hoover is not omg I made a mistake I love this man/woman. Hoover is I feel bored, this dude used to give me attention let me just poke them to see if they are still hooked.

Not generalizing but most of the pwbpd monkey branch into other dude when you leave. So the other dudd becomes the FP and when he becomes the FP for a set period of time. You don't feel special anymore and you fall under the category of exes who orbit her for the same hit of dopamine when they got when they were her FP.

Answer, its very hard to become the FP again. Either you have to be a very valuable asset to them or the last living male or female.

If not these two then they keep jumping from person to person, since even for them a fresh FP gives the best hit of dopamine. A clean slate is always beautiful for them.

So take your head out of this gutter and work on yourself. Reading her mind, waiting for hoover or thinking about the what ifs is waste of time.

Life is too short. Ik the dopamine they give is like drugs but drugs are not healthy eh?

If I am wrong, i would love to here your experiences too