How should I handle struggling with feeling unwanted by my partner even though he verbally reassures me? (sometimes)
How do you stop yourself from becoming paranoid or resentful? My partner M26 and I M25 haven’t been intimate in around 2 months now. We been together for 5 years and I feel like I’m slowly becoming emotionally detached because I’ve stopped bringing it up. I usually just stay silent now because every time I try to express how I feel, I end up overthinking even more afterward. We recently went on a trip together and there was basically zero intimacy the entire time. Not even small stuff. No cuddle time in bed, no physical closeness, didn’t even invite me into the shower once. It honestly made me feel really unwanted, especially because trips are usually where couples reconnect.The embarrassing part is I caved and brought it up again during the trip because I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I basically started begging for reassurance and indirectly begging to feel wanted again. I was telling him how attractive he is and admitting how hard the lack of intimacy has been for me, and afterward I felt SO embarrassed and pathetic. Especially because even after that conversation… nothing really changed. No initiating, no increase in affection, nothing. Which somehow made me feel worse because now I feel exposed on top of rejected. Then after we got back home, he randomly came up to me while telling me he was going to hang out with his friends and said something like, “I feel bad because I wanted to cuddle with you on the trip but the hotel bed just wasn’t comfortable.” And this is where my brain spirals because… what? It felt so random and unrelated to the conversation. Why bring that up specifically while announcing you’re leaving to hang with friends? Why not say it during the trip? Or afterward in a normal moment together? I can’t tell if he genuinely felt bad or if he sensed my distance and wanted to throw reassurance at me before leaving. Or didn't want me to get mad at him hanging out with friends. The complicated part is he’s also been dealing with a possible stomach ulcer issues, so I’ve tried to be supportive and understanding. But at the same time… he hasn’t stopped vaping, smoking weed, or drinking. So I’m confused about how much I’m supposed to keep attributing to “he doesn’t feel well” if the habits that could be affecting it are still happening. And selfishly, part of me is like… am I supposed to just emotionally sit in limbo for months waiting this out? Honestly I don't know what I want to ask. Maybe I just want to know if anyone else has dealt with this weird mix of emotional reassurance but physical distance?