u/Altruistic-Pop-1447

i (21F) was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. we broke up a bit over a year ago. My ex (21M) who we'll call B was the guy i lost my virginity to. i had sex with a few other people during our "relationship" with B's permission because he always wanted me to after he would cheat on me so that we could be "even". i always hated it because the only person i wanted was B, but i did it a few times anyways because he would beg me to. i tried to be into it and even when i was genuinely into it the second it actually started it was just awful. sex with B was amazing, it didnt matter what was happening or how long it lasted i always felt so good during it. he had a pretty big dick and he was uncircumcised, i have a medical condition that makes me pretty tight so it always took us a second to start but once we fully got it there was no pain and i always felt good mentally and physically with him during it. every other guy i have been with it didnt matter if they were big or small it always hurt and all the people i had sex with other than B were circumcised, because majority of guys are circumcised where i live. it is either painful or it just straight up sucks. i had sex three times after B and i broke up and that sex was also horrible. its been a year since i had sex or even went on a date. i want to have sex so badly i want to feel good but i dont want to be in pain or have sex with someone and it be completely useless for me while the guy feels great. i want to be in a relationship with someone but i cant date someone where the sex sucks. it doesn't matter how much lube i use or how much fourplay it always feels horrible. i am also extremely sensitive and i cant deal with receiving head it always feels like actual torture no matter what they are doing. i love sex and i want to feel good its been so long but i dont want to have sex and feel either nothing at all or just pain. does anyone have any tips? i also do have pcos so maybe thats what makes it hurt idk and pots and heds so i faint when i do too much and when i have sex im obviously doing alot so thats another thing that just fucking sucks. and idk what this is about but i also dont find anyone attractive i know that i am attractive but everyone i meet or even see on tv i understand they are attractive to most people but i feel nothing in myself telling me that they are attractive. like B was objectively unattractive and everyone always told me i was completely out of his league which i knew but i didt care because i loved him so much.