What do i do with myself
I’m 18 and honestly I feel completely lost in life right now.
I used to live in Ireland but moved back to Poland a few years ago. Because of language problems I had to repeat a class in school after coming back, and since then everything slowly started falling apart. 3 years ago my dad passed away and I feel like I never really recovered from it.
I mostly stay at home now, I’m failing school and I’ll probably have to repeat another year. The worst part is that I’m already 18 and I’ll only be in the 2nd year of technical school. I chose IT because computers were always the only thing I was really interested in, but now I’m not even sure if I made the right choice.
I feel ashamed around my mom because she does everything for me while I mostly sit at home on my computer. I don’t even work. The only things I still enjoy are computers, gaming and streaming on Twitch. My English is actually pretty good because of living in Ireland, and streaming is one of the few things that still makes me happy.
The people around me didn’t really help either. Most of my friends just got me into smoking and drinking and kept telling me I would never make it anyway. I think over time I just gave up on myself.
I also have back problems from carrying heavy stuff when I used to help my dad, but honestly for a long time I used that as an excuse to do nothing. I know I can’t keep living like this forever.
What hurts me the most is seeing my mom work hard while I feel like a burden. I don’t want to end up living with my mom forever and depending on her for everything.
I really want to change my life and finally get myself together, but I genuinely don’t know where to start anymore. I live in Poland right now, but because I also lived in Ireland maybe someone from another country has some advice too or ideas on how I can get my life back on track.