Problem/Goal: I sometimes Dreamed about the girl who made me understand what's true love is- a 12-year old feelings that still haunts me to this day
Context:
I sometimes dreamed about my first love, and every time it happens, I wake up with this uneasy feeling I can’t fully understand.
We were together from 3rd year high school until college—more than four years. Legal kami, our families knew, and they would even joke about us getting married someday. We were that kind of couple. We were deeply in love.
But like a lot of good things, it didn’t last.
We hit a wall—time conflicts, college pressure, constant arguments. We didn’t really choose to break up… it just happened. Even our parents tried to help us fix what was already breaking, but in the end, we chose distance over reconciliation.
For about a year, there was this unspoken waiting—like we were both hoping for the right moment, or the courage, to start again. But that moment never came.
Eventually, I got into another relationship. She knew. She did the same. Life moved forward. We graduated. She went abroad (Dubai), and that was that.
Then COVID happened.
We somehow found our way back into each other’s lives through chats. And for a while, it felt like something was still there—that same connection, that same warmth. Parang may buhay pa.
Then suddenly, I found out there was someone courting her—someone she worked with. I didn’t take it well. I felt uncomfortable, even jealous, and we started arguing again—about time, attention, things that didn’t even feel like I had the right to demand anymore. We weren’t even together, but the emotions were real.
Eventually, we shut each other out completely. No closure. No final conversation. Just silence.
Now, we both have our own families. I love my wife and our son. She’s married too and stayed abroad.
But sometimes… I dreamed about her.
And in those dreams, we’re just talking having expressions as if we were just enjoying them moment pero for me, I'm looking for a chance to ask. Trying to understand what happened. Trying to say the things we never got to say. Trying to find some kind of closure—or maybe validation.
And when I wake up, that feeling lingers the whole day. Like something unresolved is still quietly sitting inside me, refusing to fade.
I don’t want her back. I’m not unhappy with my life now.
But why does it still feel like this? Why does something from so long ago still have this kind of hold on me? Ewan.
Please help me. I don't want to fall into deep sadness