How do I end things?
So me(28) and my partner(27) have been together for 3.5 years and have lived together for about 3 of those years.
At the beginning things were amazing and I finally felt like I clicked with someone who really understood me after previous failed and extremely unhealthy relationships. My partner has struggled with their mental health their whole life and in recent years it has been quite bad and I have supported them through everything and they have supported me through my mental and physical heath struggles due to an autoimmune condition.
Over the 2 years I have been struggling to find the romantic side of things with them as I have taken into more of a carer role to help them with day to day things. We have discussed this at length as to why I am struggling with it, where we need things to change and why things are not changing but nothing really comes from it except we leave the conversation agreeing that things are not okay between us and then it goes a few weeks/month until it all builds up and we have the same conversation again
I have brought up multiple times with how much I struggle with taking care of all of the household chores and life admin for us and I don’t like having to ask multiple times for them to help when they are able to but having chores pile up bothers me so much and they say it doesn’t bother them and they will do it when they are able to however having things pile up bothers me a lot and I just end up doing it.
I also struggle to bring up if they have done something to upset me or done anything wrong as they get extremely upset due to past trauma (which leads to an intense panic attack and they have developed tics due to anxiety/stress) so I often leave things unsaid until it manifests into me getting upset over something small or I just let it all out. I have let them know this and they agree that it’s difficult for them to hear they have upset me and they are sorry they react so intensely but I have let them know them acknowledging it doesn’t make it any less hard for me to bring things up
They started a job at the beginning of the year and that was the thing that we felt was really going to change things for us as the financial burden would be lifted off me for helping us through the years and they would gain a bit more independence back and I would be able to have some space at home as I work from home so we were constantly on each others toes.
Not much has changed since they have gotten a job except I am enjoying the time alone a lot more. I find myself wanting to spend time out the house by myself or go and see friends and I encourage them to do the same.
I still have so much love for them but I am struggling to see how I can see them in a romantic light again. We have been through so much together(too much to list) and I am forever grateful for how they have helped me but I know that ending things will destroy them and i feel so much responsibility to make sure they are okay and I feel this immense pressure to take care of them
Any advise would be appreciated as I have never ended a relationship and I have come to terms that we need to break up but I have no idea of how to go about it