my boyfriend and I broke up almost 1 month ago after an almost 3 year long relationship because he couldn’t introduce me to his parents and I was overall exhausted from his behavior. Here is a rundown of the relationship and what happened:
We met while I lived in Bangladesh for a year, he was a friend of a friend. Everything went pretty smoothly the first two months, when my mom met him she told him she would appreciate if his parents knew about me within the next 3 months, to which he agreed. After 3 months problems started, my mom decided to be pretty lenient and still gave him pocket money and let him come over, but problems were between me and him, he would dwell over my past, almost believed false narratives made by my harasser, and continued to be friends with said harasser. He would get very possessive, which i would accommodate to, but if i spoke about it he would shut off and stop caring about me, he held a lot of double standards because apparently opposite gender interaction with him is different than when it’s with me. He wouldn’t listen when I needed to talk, he either became defensive, or decided a distraction was better, and his distractions were only beneficial to him( such as pics). He had access to all of my accounts and i didn’t have the same. He would lie as “pranks”, one time he lied about my best friend telling him about my past just to see if i was hiding anything from him since one night i decided to tell my best friend i was struggling and not him. Often times, i had to argue with my family to keep him as my bf, this went on for a year and a half and became hostile too at times, and i would beg him to show my mom he cares by keeping in contact with her (the one thing my mom didn’t like is that despite the gifts she gave him and her efforts he didn’t stay in touch or even text a thank you, id be the one delivering the message, and even after knowing im struggling he wouldn’t step in, i was expecting to keep fighting for us), at one point he even started arguments over me not wanting to do online school. He wouldn’t let me drive and would require i ask for permission before applying to a job. He didn’t respect my spiritual beliefs either, he would believe my interpretations are wrong and i believe what people tell me more than whats true.
Speaking of efforts, when i would cry to him that it’s becoming too difficult and i needed help, he wouldn’t let require me to draft texts for him, or he wouldn’t let tell me that i need to keep trying and i can’t let other people decide my future, i have to try for us. To him i was overly emotional because fighting for him was my only problem in life, i was financially well off and should not be sad, however that one problem made me lose friends, family, and impacted my health as over time, the stress of him made me develop a serious stress disorder which had me in the hospital twice. He wouldn’t let say he’s fighting for us too, but his efforts were things that he wouldn’t let say have to do anyways because of his parents, my problems were only for him. Eventually, I knew I had to go, because my struggles were not being compensated with basic respect or equal love, and it wasn’t worth fighting for anymore.
The night after we broke up he logged into my tiktok and apple id, which i later secured, he sent my mom a text saying he told his parents, and then saying how much he loved me. For the next two weeks i would continuously block and unblock him but there would be no contact, he started doing things i begged him to do while we were together, and showed a complete change. Eventually he dmed me, and i should not have replied but i did. He spent a lot of time telling me his struggles, how hurt he is, and how much he loves me, at one point i started explaining why the relationship was hurting me and he didn’t pick up on his disrespect, he only said “im sorry for not giving you enough time or showing up” despite me explicitly re explaining that i was hurt due to how he treated me, because 5 minutes of time well spent can feel like 5 hours, but at the end of the relationship i was too scared to even confront him of when i was upset, i would talk to myself and guess what he would say and talk myself out of being upset in the first place.
He then crashed out on me claiming i only spoke to him for my own ego, im trying to play the hero, hes the only one trying to save us, i wasnt all innocent either, i only listen to other people and i gave up on us. Told me that all his friends are shit talking me, which doesn’t matter because they’re all fake, in the beginning of our rs his friends shit talked hik and told me to leave. But is it really giving up if i had to escape so i could breathe? So i could survive? Because despite addressing issues multiple times he never saw the importance in fixing things. He was my first everything and though he claimed he kissed before and gave hickies before and met up with girls before yesterday he tried telling me that was all a lie and i was his first? He ended the conversation saying he’ll always wait, but if i find another man and come back to him he won’t take me back but he’ll listen. Honestly i realized the change that was showing was all a facade. But i feel so much guilt for hurting him. AITA here? Should i have tried harder? Did i quit and move forward too fast?