Advice for Handling Anxiety to Have Sex?
Hello. I'm not really a reddit person, but I need some advice and I don't really have anywhere else to turn. So apologies if I am doing this wrong, but here we go.
I (30M) am in a long distance relationship (28F) for 2 years now and things have gone great. We have met a few times and we have great chemistry. We love each other and we're both in this for the long term, but when it comes to sex I am extremely anxious and struggling.
Growing up I was a very shy and quiet person. I was made fun of a lot, teased and bullied for being awkward and quiet, so I kept to myself without really having any friends (no brothers or sisters either). Needless to say I don't have any sexual experience either. Then enter my gf. We met by chance online and we fell for each other. And when we decided to date we eventually started doing phone sex (sharing pics, videos, on call etc) and it was always great and fun. We both enjoyed it. She had always complimented that my penis was "nice and big", which I just took as her just being nice or liking it, because I had always considered myself to be around average to below average size.
When we met the first time my confidence started to waiver a lot. I was staying with her for a week, and she had bought condoms for us to use. The condom was too small. I ordered some Magnum XL's and had them delivered, also too small. She says something like "wow you are really big" jokingly and mentions the dildo she had been using while we were apart. I ask to see it and compare. Now, my penis is average length when hard, but the girth was twice the size of her dildo. I ended up using a measuring tool and having to order custom size condoms of the max girth the company made.
Now I know a lot of men are probably thinking I'm gloating or something, but I'm not, and this is why. While I might be big down there, she is small. She has mentioned she's worried I might be too big or it being painful. Now combine my lack of experience, anxiety, pressure to perform within the few days we have together, (not used to wearing a condom obviously since I didn't even know my own dick size), and fear of hurting her; I was never able to perform while we were together, and I would go soft every time. I've talked with her about it and she understood and has been very patient with me and understanding. We've been able to do other sexual things together, just not actual sex.
I'm seeing her again soon and obviously I really want to have sex with her and I'm worried about disappointing her again. While she is a little anxious about it too, she's willing and I'm the one not performing when the time comes. Can anyone help give some advice on how to get through the anxiety and perform? Or has anyone gone through a similar situation? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
Side note: I do not drink so I can't have a drink to "loosen up", and we are well equipped with lube. My biggest problem is my own anxiousness and dealing with the pressure.