Embarrassed
I had a really bad experience with drinking this weekend and ended up blacking out at a family gathering after not drinking for a few weeks. I said things I don’t remember and I feel really ashamed about it. I also broke my own intention of not drinking after feeling triggered and sad being back in my hometown.
What I’ve noticed about my drinking is that I'm okay with not drinking for long periods of time, but once I start drinking, especially when I’m feeling sad, anxious, or uncomfortable, I lose control and can’t stop. I end up drinking too fast and blacking out.
This has happened a few times now where I’ll go weeks without drinking, but when I return to it, the same pattern repeats and I regret it afterward. But I've noticed more often than not I black out when I drink.
Right now I feel a lot of shame and anxiety about what happened, and I’m trying not to isolate or spiral. I really don’t want this pattern in my life anymore, and I’m trying to figure out healthier ways to cope when I’m triggered instead of turning to alcohol.
If anyone has been through something similar or has advice on breaking this cycle, I’d really appreciate it.