My(F21) bf (M22) of 3 years said he’s never felt that “ I was the one” like how others feel with their S/O.
This is gonna be really long so sorry in advance. Me (F21) and my bf(M22) have been in a kinda complicated relationship for about 6 years. It started march of 2020, I was a freshman (15) and i had the week off for covid. I was bored, added people that were suggested, and he was one of them. We started talking and i really liked him but he was from texas( im from oregon). We kept talking and for his senior year (September 2021) he broke up with me (i was a junior). It really affected me at the time because i had really grown to love him and we treated eachother like bf and gf. This breakup really messed me up because all i wanted was to meet him and i was upset he broke up with me before we met. We ended up reconnecting in June of 2022, and we met in January 2023.
The first hour we were together, he took my virginity (he was also a virgin). I feel this is kinda important because in our relationship he has always been so sexual before caring. Like he always wanted to facetime and yk be dirty and I always would, or i’d send pics/videos pretty much whenever he asked. I always hated that he would be nice to me and it would always end up leading up to him wanting something dirty in return. This was pretty normal for us and I didn’t like it but i guess i never cared to do anything about it, though i would tell him how it affects me and how i want more of a wholesome relationship. I know he sounds like a tool so far but he really is so so sweet in person, like he treats me amazing and our families love eachother but he lacks care so bad when we’re not actually together. Other than he’s never asked me to be his girlfriend officially, he asked in a starbucks parking lot after i brought up how he never asked me. He’s my first bf ever and i’m his first like adult gf ( he had a middle school gf).
Recently since the beginning of this year we’ve had our issues and talk about a break almost every month. We tried taking a break in April and he ended up talking to another girl and saying how he had recently broke up with his gf even though we hadn’t broke up. I went to see him the next week so we could talk because i was really upset about it, and he cried and hugged me and was saying how thankful he is for me and being so sweet and vulnerable. This isn’t the first time i caught him talking to other girls, he’s done something like this about 5 times (that i know of). Today i was feeling fed up again and i told him that i don’t think he loved me and i don’t think he respects me or appreciates me. In response to this he said “ I try to”. After questions he said he try’s loving me and he try’s appreciating me and he said that he just doesn’t get that “ she’s the one “ feeling with me. I later asked him if he could see himself loving me truly and he said yes for sure but he said he wants to stop being sexual with me and that he thinks it’s affecting the way he sees me, and i think he meant like he values me less because of the sexual activity? Idk but then he started to say how beautiful i was, and how sweet i was and how he loved how i view the world so beautifully and im not sure what compelled him to say this stuff because he really doesn’t care to ease my feelings when things are tense and it seemed really genuine. I know he sounds like an ass but it’s really hard to put our dynamic into words and into ehh my worries/concerns are but he really is a good guy but Idk i just feel really hurt and naive and so confused, It just is really hard to leave because im so attatched and i really do love him, he bought a home for us and put it on his land and ive helped clean it and prep the outside and its been so long since we’ve been together, and something that holds me back from truly leaving is that what if he’s different in person what if he never talks to girls and he just doesn’t kt because he’s lonely since i’m not there? I just need guidance, i have absolutely nobody to talk to, my friends and family aren’t involved into this aspect of my life.