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I have ADHD and I’m trying to work out if I overreacted here or if my feelings were understandable.
My MIL had a biopsy today and was in pain, so I told my husband we should go stay over to support her even though I have work tomorrow .
My MIL is a very caring person but also VERY micromanaging. She comments on everything (“put less on the spoon,” “eat more,” “put the heating on,” etc). She’s like this with everyone, not just me, but after a long day with kids and travel I was getting overstimulated internally even though I stayed polite externally. I just kept a smile on my face and carried doing what I was doing
Later on I finally got my daughter to sleep and accidentally fell asleep too. My husband called me downstairs because he wanted to chill together. I came down, sat down with a blanket because I was cold/exhausted, and almost immediately my MIL started insisting I go to bed because I’m up early to oi, like she paused the TV show and told me I should go sleep, ok, I have to be up early tomorrow, ok, and didn't continue on until I got up. I didn't like this insisting to go back up even though I've just come down and I wanted to wind down after a long day with the kids, I don't wanna be mumd like that at 30yrs!twas as if I was a child being told bedtime rules.
What upset me wasn’t even really her. I know she meant well. It was my husband’s reaction.
He had literally called me downstairs to spend time together, but when his mum kept insisting I sleep, he just stayed sitting there on his phone. I even said “shall we go sleep then?” to him, hoping we’d go upstairs together and still spend time together, but he just said “yeah sure” and stayed, I got up to collected my baby's milk bottles to clean them, and he said oh don't I thought you want tea. As if nothing just happened. I cleaned bottles and went up alone. I gave him one more chance by going back into the room(where the show was put back on also annoyed me, felt as if oh since she's gone let's get back to it) I went closentk my husband and said good night, was ignored! And I went up really upset about this.
I then sent him a text msg saying don't ask me to come down if you'll just allow me to get sent back up again. He eventually came up annoyed that I'm upset over nothing. I exploded saying it took me longer to come down stairs then it did for me to stay sat on the chair before being sent back up!
I ended up crying because to me it felt like:
* he called me down,
* watched me get pushed back upstairs,
* and didn’t notice/care that I felt uncomfortable and pushed out.
He says I’m making a big deal out of nothing because his mum was only caring about me being tired.
I genuinely can’t tell if:
I’m reacting strongly because ADHD makes me extra sensitive to feeling controlled/micromanaged,
or
most people would also feel hurt/annoyed in that situation.
I’m not angry at my MIL. I’m more upset that my husband feels passive in moments where I need emotional support.
Also, I added that, I don't ever feel supported by him, I get slander by his brothers wife, not once has backed me, in fact he doesn't let me back myself via confronting, he doesn't compliment me to his parents, at least in front of me, I do thou with his family and mine. He always throws me under the bus when we make joint decisions and it really upsets me he doesn't change in this area
Other than that... He is an amzing husband who spoils me even in front of his family and is amazing help with the kids and doesn't act harshly or shout at me in arguments etc...
Advise on how to enforce a change without being toxic
Tl;dr:
Husband didn't back advise?