Hi, I need a quick reality check.
My husband (we got married young, he was 19 and I was 18 in a pretty complicated situation) and I have built a good life together since. We now have twin toddlers, and I also work while taking care of them, so life is already a lot.
The issue is with my MIL. Anytime we do something “big” or even just nice/expensive (like trips, purchases, etc.), she makes comments like:
- “He gives you whatever you want”
- “You have so much influence over him”
- “He loves you more than you love him”
The thing is… it’s not even true. I actually have to convince my husband quite a bit before we decide on things together. It’s not like he just blindly listens to me. Her tone was very “man your wife really does control you.” For context, they are Arab, I’m south Asian.
Yesterday it escalated. She made a comment again, I brought it up to my husband later because it bothered me, and I’ll admit I pushed him a bit to address it (probably shouldn’t have). He got super irritated with me.
Then his parents came back, she kept pressing him about why he seemed off, and he ended up saying something like “don’t say things in front of her that upset her because then I have to deal with it.” That turned into a direct argument between me and his mom where she doubled down and said I do influence him. I didn’t say anything to her except “I’m his wife is it bad to have influence over him.”
She got upset and left. My husband and I are fine now, but I’m irritated because I feel like I ended up apologizing just to keep the peace. ALSO - I should note this REALLY bothers my husband but he prefers not to argue with his parents because they aren’t going to see where they went wrong for the most part. And he did say it in a way to her where it was like don’t say things like this anymore.
So:
- Am I overreacting to these comments?
- Is this actually undermining, or am I reading too much into it?
To me it really feels like an attempt to cause issues between us considering it’s a pattern and I feel the worst thing you can tell a man, specifically an ARAB men that his wife has him wrapped around her finger.
I genuinely can’t tell if I’m the problem here or if this is just something I need to handle differently.