We were having a conversation the other day and I mentioned how I get this feelings that his ability care just vanishes. I pointed out that he will do it when I’m trying to communicate an issue in the relationship or that I saw my husband sort of switch off when his best friend called him about issues he’s been having in his romantic life. My husband admitted it’s true.
Apparently he will feel an uncontrollable wash of apathy come over him at times. He will try to pull himself out of it but it rarely works. It’s like he emotionally switches off.
I’ve always felt this was something that existed in our relationship but it still hurt learning it was true. It makes sense that he has this trait due to his past- it’s almost certainly a trauma response. We’ve talked about therapy and I don’t want to force him into it. He’d go if I made a big deal out of it. But it’s one of those things where he needs to make this decision himself otherwise he’s just not going to talk about his trauma. He very rarely talks about the genuinely painful with me, so I sincerely doubt he will open up to a therapist. Not to mention he is in denial about parts of his past being bad, and I know he just doesn’t want to face some ugly truths.
The apathy infects our relationship. I want us to make decisions together but I’m the one at the helm. I feel alone at times. I think he’d be a happier person if he tapped into that part of him that cared- he would stand up for himself, stop chronically people pleasing, and seek out the things that make him happy. It’s not nice seeing someone you love hold themselves back.