u/Alternative-Cost8481

I (22F) have been friends with this girl (mid 20sF) for almost 5 years and for most of that time I considered her like an older sister. Over the last year though, she’s become a completely different person and I honestly don’t know whether to address it or quietly distance myself.

She struggles a lot mentally and has openly talked about being depressed, insecure, unhappy with her life, etc., and I’ve tried really hard to be understanding and supportive because of that.

The issue is that over the last year she’s become EXTREMELY male-centered while simultaneously acting resentful toward me.

She started dating for the first time this year and every conversation suddenly became about men, Hinge likes, validation, and attention. The guy she’s now officially dating is someone she spent MONTHS talking negatively about. She openly admitted she wasn’t attracted to him, didn’t know if she liked him, found him annoying, and thought she should stop seeing him. But she kept seeing him because, in her own words, “he really likes me” and “he compliments me all the time.” Whenever anyone asks what SHE actually likes about HIM, her answers are always about the validation he gives her.

At the same time, she’s become increasingly passive aggressive toward me. I recently graduated with honors, started my career, and have been focusing on fitness and my health. Instead of being supportive, she dismisses my career as “boring,” makes comments about my body, and acts annoyed anytime I talk about goals or accomplishments.

I’ve honestly started avoiding making plans alone with her because I genuinely feel like if a man gave her enough attention, she’d ditch me. She’s done that before to another friend and now that she has a boyfriend, she brings him everywhere even when he wasn’t invited.

The final straw was her inviting her boyfriend to plans I organized without even asking me first, despite me specifically saying I wanted a girls day. The entire dynamic changed and I basically got sidelined at my own plans while she centered him the entire time.

At this point I feel emotionally drained around her and don’t even really want her in my space anymore, but we share a friend group so I don’t know if I should actually say something or just quietly distance myself.

Has anyone dealt with this before?

I (22F) have been friends with this girl (mid 20sF) for almost 5 years and for a very long time I genuinely considered her like an older sister. We met at work years ago and she helped me through one of the hardest times in my life when my first boyfriend cheated on me. She was someone I trusted deeply and someone I genuinely loved being around.

Last year I moved away for about 9 months for an internship. While I was gone, something really shifted in our friendship. When I came back, she seemed deeply unhappy with her life. She constantly talked about how depressed she was, how much she hated her jobs, how stuck she felt, how she never went out, how she hated her body, etc. I tried really hard to be supportive because I know she struggles mentally and I understood she was going through a rough time.

I invited her out constantly, checked in on her, encouraged her to come visit me while I was away (I literally offered her a free place to stay and free access to where I worked), and tried to make sure she still felt included even though our lives had gone in different directions for a while. But over time I started noticing that I couldn’t really share positive things happening in my life anymore without getting weird energy or passive aggressive comments from her.

When I came home, I eventually started dating again after a breakup. I was very open with my friends that I had high standards and wasn’t willing to settle. I wanted someone ambitious, hardworking, career driven, emotionally intelligent, attractive to me, and aligned with my goals because I’m also a very ambitious person. I work hard, I’m career focused, and I’ve dated people before who lacked ambition and it never worked out. I also openly said I wanted to date someone I was genuinely physically attracted to because I don’t think women should be shamed for wanting that when men are never expected to “look past” attraction.

This REALLY bothered her. She kept saying I was vain, shallow, too picky, and not giving “nice guys” a chance. I basically said I would rather stay single than settle for a relationship I didn’t truly want.

Around this same time, she started dating for the first time herself. She’s in her mid 20s and had never really dated before, so all of our friends were genuinely supportive and encouraging because we thought it would help her confidence and get her out of her shell a little more.

The issue is that she openly admitted she did not like most of the guys she was talking to. She would show us these men and immediately talk about how unattractive she found them, how she didn’t feel chemistry, how she didn’t know if she even liked them, how they weren’t her type, etc. There’s one guy specifically she’s now officially dating that she spent MONTHS talking negatively about.

I am not exaggerating when I say almost every single thing she said about him before dating him was negative. She talked about how unattractive she thought he was, how she wasn’t sure she liked him, how he annoyed her, how she didn’t know if she wanted to see him again, and how she thought she should end things with him. Multiple people in our friend group told her that if she felt that way, she probably shouldn’t continue seeing him.

But she never stopped seeing him because, in her own words, “he really likes me” and “he compliments me all the time.”

That’s genuinely the only positive thing she ever says about him. Whenever anyone asks what SHE likes about HIM as a person, her answer is always about what he does for her ego. That he validates her, gives her attention, compliments her, reassures her, etc. She never talks about shared values, compatibility, attraction, emotional connection, or admiration for him as a person. Even now that they’re officially together, she mostly talks about things she wants him to change.

After she met my current boyfriend, things honestly got even worse. My boyfriend is very successful for our age, extremely hardworking, and honestly exactly what I was looking for. He makes me very happy and we’re very aligned in life goals and ambition. The second she found out he was actually younger than her, she acted visibly bothered by it. According to other friends, after meeting him she became even more hyper focused on getting a boyfriend immediately.

Since then, I’ve felt more and more like she views me as competition instead of a friend. She makes passive aggressive comments about my body after I lost weight from consistently working out. She dismisses my career and calls conversations about my work “boring.” When I graduated with honors and started my career, everyone around me was supportive except her. I genuinely started feeling like I had to downplay my accomplishments and happiness around her because she would either dismiss it or make me feel guilty for being excited about my own life.

The final straw has honestly been how she acts with her boyfriend in group settings. Twice now she has invited him to plans I organized without asking me first, even when I specifically said I wanted a girls day. The entire dynamic changes when he’s there and she becomes extremely centered around him. The last time this happened, I basically ended up excluded from my own plans while she prioritized him the entire time.

I think what hurts most is that I have spent MONTHS trying to give her grace because I know she’s depressed and struggling mentally. But I’m emotionally exhausted at this point. I feel like I can’t celebrate my relationship, my career, my fitness progress, or honestly anything positive in my life around her without feeling resentment coming from her.

I don’t think she’s a horrible person, but I do think she’s deeply insecure and unhappy and projecting a lot of that onto me.

So AITA for wanting to quietly distance myself from this friendship even though I know she’s struggling?

I recently graduated with my bachelor’s in marketing and started working as a digital marketer for a small global tech company. The pay isn’t amazing, but the biggest upside is that I’ve been able to learn a TON because the team is small and I get exposure to a little bit of everything.

So far I’ve worked on:

Content marketing/blogs

Social media

Event marketing

SEO research

Surveys + market research through Qualtrics

Salesforce projects

AI/automation tasks

General campaign strategy

Right now I use platforms like Canva, Adobe, Meta Business Suite, Google Trends, Salesforce, Qualtrics, and AI tools daily.

I really want to maximize this opportunity and become as well-rounded as possible while I’m early in my career. What platforms, certifications, skills, or tools would you recommend learning next for someone wanting to level up in digital marketing?

Especially interested in analytics, SEO, paid media, AI in marketing, consumer psychology, and strategy.

I’m 22 (f)and live in New York. I graduated with my bachelor’s in marketing this past December and accepted a role as an Assistant Digital Marketer/Digital Marketing Assistant at a small Netherlands-based company. I make $55k, and while I’m genuinely grateful because I’ve already learned a lot in only a couple of months, I’m feeling a little conflicted about what my next move should be.

The company is very small, and the New York office is basically just me and two other people. Because of that, I’ve gotten a ton of freedom and hands-on experience. If I come up with a campaign idea or want to try something new, I usually get the green light. I’ve been working on content, digital marketing initiatives, and learning more of the technical/business side of marketing instead of just social media, which has honestly filled a lot of gaps in my experience that I probably wouldn’t have gotten elsewhere this early in my career.

The issue is that sometimes the environment feels almost too relaxed, and I worry I’m not being pushed hard enough. I’ve had five internships before this, mostly focused on social media marketing, and I’m ambitious. I want to grow fast, work hard, and eventually move into bigger opportunities. At the same time, $55k in New York really isn’t enough for me to comfortably move out of my parents’ house, which is something I really want to do.

I’ve only been here about two months, so I know leaving immediately might look bad, but I also keep wondering if I should spend the next several months building skills and then try to hop to a higher-paying role once I have this experience under my belt.

For people who have been in marketing longer:

Is it smarter to stay at a smaller company early on for the freedom and learning opportunities?

Or should I prioritize compensation and a more structured environment sooner rather than later?

What certifications, technical skills, or platforms would you recommend learning right now to become more valuable/higher paid in digital marketing?

For context, I’m especially interested in digital marketing, social media, brand strategy, content, and campaign work, but I also want to strengthen my technical/analytics side because I know that’s important long term.

Would really appreciate any advice because I feel stuck between “this is a great learning opportunity” and “I need to make more money and push myself harder.”