How do I make a final decision and stick to it?
For those who were on the fence and got off, how did you make your final decision on whether to have kids or not?
I just can't make a decision and no matter how much I think about what I want, I can't decide because there's major reasons for both decisions.
For context, I am a male in my early thirties and my wife is also in her early thirties. I was recently diagnosed with inattentive type adhd.
I wrote down my reasoning and feelings for wanting kids and not wanting kids.
Reasons why I do want kids:
The thought of bringing a mini version of my wife and I brings warmth to my heart and soul that I can love and nurture and guide though life.
The happiness it would bring my wife - her dream is to have kids, she finds so much purpose in this and it is something she is so excited for. I could see myself maybe feeling this way one day too but I don't see myself feeling this way anytime soon.
The personal growth I would get from raising a child. I imagine I would become a stronger person out of it and maybe learn a lot about myself too through raising a child.
Its a deal breaker with my wife if I don't have kids, my marriage wouldn't last and I have a fear of what my life would be like on my own
Reasons why I don't want kids:
I struggle to focus on more than one thing in my life - I am worried currently at this stage in my life I won't be able to give the amount of love and attention a kid needs. I only want to be a father if I can be a hands on dad.
I am worried I wont enjoy life anymore - I find whenever I have a lot going on in my life I become easily overwhelmed and I struggle to handle stress well. I also am very easily over stimulated. After work, all I want to do is go home into a quiet room and watch a movie or play a game. I even get overstimulated from our dog and I find our pets enough to handle.
Loss of freedom to do things - I still want to travel and see and do so many things, I want to be able to go out and pursue hobbies in my free time. I feel such joy knowing that I can go and do whatever activity I like without having to make plans
I find saving difficult as it is and it is just my wife and I, I'm worried about the pressures that will come with supporting an extra person.
I'm worried about the life the child would have in the future. I try to stay optimistic but it just feels like making a living is getting harder and harder and I would hate to think what it will be like for their generation.
Thanks for reading my long text. I'm so conflicted and I don't know what to do.
Honestly, I feel this internal pull towards not having children soon but we are in our early 30's and it's a deal breaker for her if we don't have them soon and I don't know how to live without my wife.