AITAH for telling my mom she’s the reason I want to move?
I (16F) have been going through a really rough time mentally lately. For context, I live with my mom during the week and my dad on weekends. My mom and I have a decent relationship, but we argue constantly. She gets upset over small things like clothes left in the bathroom, my room being messy, or even my tone of voice.
My relationship with my dad is completely different. We rarely argue, he never raises his voice at me, and I honestly feel much happier and mentally healthier when I’m with him.
Recently, I started staying with my dad during the week too. He works in the town where I go to school, so he drives me there in the mornings. After school, I go to my mom’s house until he gets out of work and picks me up. This has caused some tension because my mom sometimes wants me to stay overnight to watch my little brother while she goes out. I don’t mind helping, but overall I’ve realized I genuinely want to move in with my dad full-time and transfer schools.
My dad and I had talked about it privately because we knew my mom would be upset. I told a few friends I was thinking about moving, but I forgot to tell them I hadn’t told my mom yet.
Two nights ago, my mom was driving my friend and I home. My friend jokingly said, “Imagine before you move you ask out everyone you have a crush on.” The second she said that, my stomach dropped into my ass. My mom immediately looked at me and asked, “Oh? So you’ve been thinking about moving?”
Things got tense after that, once we dropped my friend off, my mom started asking why I wanted to move. I told her it was because I feel better at my dad’s house. She kept pushing for a more specific answer, asking if it was my stepdad, the house, or school. I kept saying no, it was just that I feel better there.
Eventually, I admitted that I hate how much we argue and yell at each other. The second I said that, she completely lost it. She started yelling that I have “no idea what it’s like to actually be yelled at.” I told her we do argue and yell all the time, and she started saying the only reason I want to move is because I can be lazy at my dad’s house and don’t have responsibilities there.
What really hurt was when she said I “exaggerate” my anxiety and depression so I can sit around and do nothing. That made me feel sick, especially because she knows I struggled with self-harm a few years ago.
When we got home, she kept going on about how crazy I was for thinking our household was unhealthy. Then she came into my room and said if I felt so “abused,” she’d just take me to my dad’s house right then. I packed my things, and the entire drive there she kept yelling at me.
When we arrived, I went inside crying. My dad already knew what was happening because I had texted him in the car. My mom called him afterward sobbing, saying I hate her, that I’m manipulative, and that I always try to make myself the victim. She even said she’d leave a box in my room so I could pack the rest of my things next time I came over.
That was two days ago, and we still haven’t spoken. Mother’s Day is this Sunday, and I feel horrible. I honestly didn’t think she’d react this way. I thought I was being honest about how I felt, but now I’m questioning myself.
AITAH for telling my mom that the constant arguing is part of why I want to move in with my dad?