u/AltardStateAddict28

I (35F) have been with my husband (35M) since 2009 when we met in college while he was in a foreign exchange program as he is from France, we got married in 2013 and have 5 beautiful children ranging from 18-8yrs old. We almost got divorced in 2017 but shortly after became pregnant with our youngest and went through some marriage counseling who suggested we spend more quality time like date nights or taking trips without kids which seemed to help temporarily. We are best friends and he adopted my 2 older children from a previous abusive relationship and he is a fantastic father but I feel like he is lacking in the husband area. He very much prioritizes a clean home and work and our children but I don’t feel like he appreciates me at all and I wonder if I am settling for the bare minimum bc I left a really violent situation. He never plans date nights, never takes pictures or thinks of anything thoughtful for me, the few times he’s bought me flowers they’re ones he knows I hate and he always thinks I’m ungrateful bc I don’t like what he gives me, anytime we have to make plans it’s always up to me and he never posts about me on social media or tells people that he’s happy to be with me. I think I have just romanticized the idea of a partner who values me especially after my ex cheated and abused me ( we’re talking broken nose, running me over with a car and str***gling). My husband also travels a lot for work and while he’s never officially cheated he did try to and I found out before anything happened but now I always think when women hit on him, he’s too polite to brush them off and is very much the type to say, “SORRY, I’m married” and if you know the difference then ya know. A girl from work recently hit on him and it took him a while to mention he was married and while he told me about it, he was very suspicious about it and now I find out he has to go on a business trip with this woman. I just keep wondering if I really want to be with someone who doesn’t value me, I feel like I can’t trust and if I want to lower my standards for the rest of my life bc he’s a good dad? Am I overreacting?