Almost a year later and I still feel upset. Past year info to explain.
Hi
First time posting but I need advice or just help to understand. Going to be a long post. I apologize but backstory is to explain the level of crazy I've put up with.
So my MIL use to live overseas for the better part of my husband and I's relationship as his dad would take 2 year teaching contracts for them to travel. Whenever they would come home in the summer when we were still dating his mom was always polite but like would not take anything I said seriously like the fake niceness. They ended up having to move in with us during covid and at the time my husband and I were both in jobs that were weren't closed/first business they would open back up. My job required daily covid test as we dealt with the public directly within 6 feet. She would complain that she was bored and that the malls were closed and wherever she went it was closed (peak 2020 shutdown btw) when suggestions like getting a hobby or building puzzles was shut down or make her made we just stopped mentioning it. We did however mention to his dad if he could speak to her about staying home vs going out and not proper masking/sanitizing as we both couldn't afford to get sick. She was told this is the evening by him and proceeded to pack her suitcase and storm down the street screaming "I wont stay somewhere im treated like its a prison" all for just asking her to stay home more during a global pandemic. When she was at our place she would hide in her room until my then bf would come home and then would she come down and acknowledge me.
We are now married and last year his parents approached us about buying our duplex as we were going to put it up for sale to buy a house b4 our first baby. Buckle up as this is where I could have my own reality show.
I got pregnant in January 2025, his parents moved into our duplex in February as they needed to sell their home b4 they could buy ours and my husband thought it would be good if we didnt have to rush the buy sell process till we found something. Well we found something but the seller needed till June due to kids in school. That's fine as it was taking his parents a bit to get their place sold and finances sorted. We ended up having to tell them I was pregnant sooner than we'd like as I wasn't just having morning sickness but all day sickness (this stayed the whole pregnancy fyi) so I couldn't hide me going upstairs constantly or not having certain foods. So we continue with both of us working but everyday after work id be so done and tired I would say a quick hi and then go sleep upstairs as I just had to fake being ok at work all day from not telling anyone else yet.
She started getting an attitude with me in April and I was confused as I was staying out of their way, letting her do whatever as I knew it was becoming their house soon enough and just not having the energy to argue with her. This was on a friday and so come Saturday my husband and I were suppose to go with my mom for brunch and maybe some shopping as she drives from out of town and doesnt like going by herself. He says hes going to stay home and talk to the MIL and see what's up. Im sad cuz he was looking forward to brunch. But agreed that we would bring him some breakfast and see how it went b4 shopping. On the way back into our neighborhood we pass my MiL sitting in her car a block down from our house full on screaming at her steering wheel. My mom and I look at each other and just keep driving. We get back to the house and ask my husband what happened. He said he asked her why she was upset and she said she didnt like how I was saying hello to her.... so me saying HI and then going upstairs to puke and sleep was apparently rude to her. So he tried to explain to her that I was trying to be polite and not puke in the shared bathroom and how I was extremely sick and tired from working. She didn't like his response and said we were ganging up on her cuz he didn't take her side and stormed out. He's exhausted and said he was going to stay home in case she comes back to talk to her more. Again sad his day off is being spent like this but he is a grown man who can make that choice. Mom and I go shopping for a few hours and when we return MILs car is parked back infront of the house but noticeable her drivers side window is smashed. My mom immediately goes you arent going inside by yourself if this is what she did to her car being mad at you. So we go inside and tell my husband and hes like wtf she came back in and went downstairs without saying anything. So he called his dad told him and then we had to go outside and clean it up. Im mortified as we've lived in this neighborhood for quite a few years at this point and don't want to be known as the crazy neighbor.
So that night everyone sits in the living room and explain to her she can't be acting this way. She promises she wont be. Fast forward to June and we get possession of our house on a Wednesday but its agreed we will move out on the saturday when we have a uhaul booked and friends lined up to help as I can't pick up anything. I spent the Wednesday cleaning the kitchen and rotating cleaning carpets as the previous owners let their cats pee on it. Im exhausted by the end of the day as im almost 7 months pregnant. End of the day his parents say they want to come see the place even tho its empty. His mom comes into the house and immediately is like oh I'll do this and that and that like dictating things in this house and im immediately like no thanks im good as I just spent the last 5 months letting her do whatever in the other place even when it wasn't bought by them yet. We get to the kitchen and she sees a list of groceries on the fridge and is immediately like oh I'll get that
Which to some may sound like shes being nice but again in the old place anytime there was a list of groceries she would take it as a loose term and buy whatever she wanted when I was buying certain things as I knew it was what I could keep down and she would buy piles of junk food or food on sale that was super close to expiry so it ended up being wasteful. So im immediately like no im good I can buy my own groceries to which she kept poking at it. By the 5th time I admit my voice had more bass to it saying no I can buy my own groceries. She storms out of the house and tries to tell her husband that I told her that I can buy my own fucking groceries. To which thankfully my own husband was in the other room and hes like no thats not what she said, she did have more bass to her voice but she didnt say it like that. They drive off and call us telling us to come get our mattress as we are not welcomed in their fucking house anymore. Im tired and upset as all I want to do is not live with them and just crawl in my bed and sleep forever. We get to their place and im like ok im not going to poke the bear im just going upstairs and packing some clothes and the medications I'm on for this pregnancy. Apparently that was not good enough as his dad comes upstairs and tells me I need to get the fuck out of his house. Im like im literally getting meds I need for the baby and some clothes he walks out and comes back 5 mins later telling me I need to fucking leave again. I look at my husband and hes like I'll handle it. I take my stuff and go sit in the car. Bawling I call my mom and explain what's going on as she was there for the window smashing incident
She talks to me for 1 to 1.5 my husband is in the house getting our mattress stripped down and some stuff for himself. He also was in there apparently coming un glued on his mom saying what do you want? For me to divorce and live in your basement forever like I was a kid? That's my wife and soon to be mother of my children. Either you stop or we are never talking to you again (again wasn't in the room so can't 100% verify what happened) he comes out and his dad is "nice" enough to follow us with his pickup with our mattress in the back. We are not 5 mins down the road when she calls him pn speakerphone crying saying shes sorry and coming there to apologize. Im like if you pull that shit and show up to our new house causing issues so our new neighbors think we are nuts you better think again. So they show up and my husband told her to stay in the car he doesnt want to see her (she had almost 2 hours to come outside at their place and apologize while I was stuck waiting in the car) so his dad brings in the mattress and we go to bed. Im content at this point of cutting them out as this is the 2nd time this women is mad at me foe reasons you should not be mad at a person or you know talk it out like adults?
Here is where im struggling. This all happened 2 weeks before our baby shower and my husband didnt want to explain why his parents arent there and mine are so about 1 week after this all happened we went and stood on their driveway with them as they said they wanted to apologize. His dad owned up and was like I shouldn't have said what I said and asked what happened instead of blindly believing her. My MIL on the other hand spent 20 mins saying she never does stuff like this and shes a good person over and over again. So the most un genuine apology ever. Then when im trying to explain myself I keep repeating some stuff as I habe baby brain and was trying to remember all I wanted to say while being nauseous and tired. We left. They came to the baby shower his mom was obnoxiously loud and was one of the few people drinking. I literally had to drop hints for them to leave without causing as scene as I was so mad. We have a our baby now and I feel like I never want them to babysit and I dont want them in his life as I dont want this vile person in my babies life and him thinking doing this stuff is ok as long sd you throw a half ass apology behind it..the issue im having is I tell my husband I feel like I was pressured by him to let them back in before I waa ready or at all and he only gives me back well we told them this is the last time and we already let them in. But im under the impression that you can always remove consent. Especially as we are coming up on a year when this all happened and I still feel stressed and sick when they want to come see the baby and I still feel like his mom ignores me and is pretend nice when they come over. Like I feel alone in this and that im the bad guy when all I want to do is protect my baby.
Other points
She use to call my husband constantly when she was fighting with his dad threatening to kill herself.
He grew up with her doing this and unfortunately I feel like hes numb to it
She flies off the handle randomly at his dad and my worry is she would be babysitting and would do something dangerous while the baby is in her care
one of the stipulations was she needs to do therapy but my husband won't ask for proof of it
Am I overreacting for wanting to go no contact with them even tho we've let them meet the baby and we've tried to make a relationship. I just feel like I shouldn't dread them coming. Its causing marriage issues as we've never fought other than over his parents and im exhausted by it.