So… I am genderfluid, or think I am at least and I go through this thought periodically, but this time new brick came in.
For starters, a bit of background: I have a lot of problems with my body regardless of gender.
I have an ED (binge eating yohoo!) and I can’t remember a time where a felt good about my body because I used to be overweight (or even obese) since a young age.
During covid I lost a lot of weight (32kg), after my “straight passing era” I gained 10kg back and now I’ve lost 8.
But I still have a baggy tummy that makes me really uncomfortable.
I have really broad shoulders, like rugby player kind of shit, I’m really hairy (working on it tho), I’m tall (1,80 at least) AND I had a full beard since I was 16 and shaving never solved anything because it grows back by the day (useless to say, I hate my beard).
Why all these details about my body?
Because lately I’ve started euphoria (no spoilers, still on S1) and jules is so fucking perfect.
I know the drill: don’t compare yourself to others.
Yeah, yeah…
BUT
What if I think that I’m genderfluid only because I think that I wouldn’t be able to pull of being a girl???
This has been amplified by the fact that I listened to other GF folks and their experiences were way different than mine…
I also noticed that lately I can’t stand people referring to me with he/him pronouns.
And my wardrobe is full of male clothes that I never feel comfortable to wear or if I do I always do it as a “masc” would.
Still GF tho? Idk