I need advice on how to keep my sanity here, cause i'm starting to seriously debate recreational alcoholism here.
I'm a single dad of 2 with full custody. The boy is not mine, he was 2 when I met her, but mother was physically abusive and gave me custody of both to avoid jail. No visitation agreement, she shows up about once a month or so to hang out with them at my house for a couple hours at most. I allow it because I'm not going to be the jeek who didn't let them see mom, and they get to see all on their own what kind of person she is. I moved last year, at the possible detriment to my career, to get them into a better school, and better life.
Had some concerns she was possibly on the spectrum when she was younger, but pretty sure it's just adhd like me, her mother, and brother. She's got an appt for testing finally next Monday.
The first month or two was fine, the boy had some difficulty adjusting at first, but the girl's kindergarten was going great, and she was already showing them how smart she is (she could read at two) and around the two month mark everything went to hell for her. Got called because she was in the office, had to be removed from class. She was screaming random stuff and refusing to listen, when she got home and I asked her about it, she said she was copying another kid. We had a talk about appropriate behavior and everything was good for a couple days, then it happened again. It escalated. Few days decent, then she's running around the room turning desks over. Few days good, then she's kicking the TA and saying "I don't have to listen to you".
The first time I got called to the office, there was another kid in the principals office too, and when she sent the kids out, she called the other child by name, it was the one she said she had been copying. The second time I mentioned them keeping those two separated. The third time, the principal told me that child wasn't even in there today, then while she was in another meeting, that kid came out of her office (trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, and assume she meant he wasn't in the room when my daughter was acting a fool).
Nothing has worked. At home she listens, does things I ask her to without back talk or attitude. No hitting, cussing, yelling. Then she goes to school and climbs on the furniture and runs from the teachers when they try to make her come in from recess. No amount of punishment or reward for inappropriate/good behavior has seemed to make a bit of difference.
Thursday I picked her up and was told this makes her tenth suspension (Most of them have been like less than an hour or two's worth of school half days.). The principal was out, was told the assistant principal would call me (she was in an interview at the time). Called friday and was told the principal would call back. Called a second time and she answered the phone, knew nothing about it, said she'd get the paperwork and bring it to the district superintendents office herself Monday morning as she had to be there. I called the superintendents office twice before she got the paperwork at 3pm. The hearing for expulsion recommendation is set for Wednesday, when i'm off and was supposed to be volunteering for a school field trip to the zoo (she's missed out on Xmas and valentine's party too because of the timing of these suspensions).
With less than 3 weeks of kindergarten left, my extremely intelligent 5 year old might get expelled. I feel like all I ever do is fail these kids no matter how hard I try. I love the boy like he's my own, but I know I don't show it well enough, because of how I was raised. And the smartest kindergartener in the county might get kicked outta school. I've got nobody to help me, and i'm clearly not doing well enough on my own. I'm the guy who always has a plan for everything, and I don't know what to do any more.