If I actually get diagnosed and put on mood stabilisers will I no longer want to die to escape the mixed episodes and the feeling that I’ve ruined my life? Please tell me your experience because I’m not sure if it’s worth fighting for….
Nothing else matters. I did end up in the psych ward for 3 days for an attempt and was singing and talking to everyone but they thought it was a borderline episode. Im not even diagnosed borderline hahahahhahhahshahahahahah. I’m so glad they didn’t diagnose me with bipolar because then I wouldn’t be so happy. I’m so happy I’m glad I’m not on medication. I think I can control this bipolar and trigger mania … I’m different I don’t hurt anybody. I’m special and this is a gift. Not that I’m chosen but I can control what I do when I’m manic. I am spiritual. I am good. I can use this to my advantage. I’m sick of being sad and I want to trigger an episode every time I am sad. I don’t care if I’m angry I have nothing to lose I’ve already lost everything except my family and myself. I love being manic.
If I do get diagnosed I don’t want to take my medication this is my addiction. Our brain makes the drug and I will choose to take it because there’s nothing else for me.
I love you all and I’m sorry you suffer. I wish we were all happy, always.
I ended up in the psych ward after trying to kill myself and they kept me in for 3 days. I presented evidence of my recent manic episode and they ignored me because they wanted to label me with Borderline (which I’m not diagnosed with). I finally at 25 found out what was causing my ups and downs and researched the heck out of bipolar disorder when I was manic. This is what I have. Then I was kicked out of the psych ward because they thought it was just a bpd episode when I was depressed for a long time before my recent manic episode. They didn’t want to listen to me. I thought I was bipolar 2 before but looking back, thinking I was awakened and having paranoia that god was going to take my happiness away if I sinned, I think this episode put me into 1. It was different to ever before. I’ve been experiencing hypomania since 2018. I also was doing risky things and acting on urges and started talking to a voice in my head (the happiness). I was just locked up in the psych ward with no therapy just 1 session with a consultant and then discharged. I’m angry at everyone who missed this and didn’t catch it because I’ve ruined my life. I’ve ruined my life with the depression. I’ve ruined my life with the mania because I spent recklessly.
I’m going to take an ssri to try and trigger another episode. This is what triggered hypomania in the past. And I’m going to go all in and do everything that can trigger mania. If I can, it’ll be unforgettable. I have nothing to lose. Maybe then I’ll be hospitalised and diagnosed. I wanted to run away with the happiness when my parents wanted to bring me for an assessment.
What are your experiences with not being believed at first?