If a guy you don’t respect had your girl before you… be honest, it changes how you see her already know this is going to trigger people, but I’m saying it anyway.
If you feel real disgust toward your partner’s past, you’re not “insecure”… and it probably isn’t going away.
My fiancée (mother of my kid) and I have been together about 3 years but I finally broke up with her. She’s a genuinely good person. Sweet, caring, loyal.
On paper, everything you’d want.
But I lost all respect for her because of her past, and I couldn’t fix it.
When she was 18, she got with a coworker who was 21 years older than her (and had a family in another country). He took her virginity. The relationship turned abusive and ended with him going to jail after he beat her when she tried to leave.
At first, I just felt bad for her. It was clearly a messed up situation.
Then I learned more details.
Cocaine use. A threesome. Being choked during sex. Then I saw what the guy looked like… and he was exactly what you’d expect. Just a sleazy, low-level guy.
That’s when everything changed for me.
I tried to tell myself it shouldn’t matter. It’s her past. She went through trauma. Be understanding.
Didn’t matter.
Because the thought that kept coming back was simple:
If a guy like that could have her, I don’t want her.
And I know people are going to say that’s wrong, or judgmental, or whatever.
But it was real.
It wasn’t jealousy. I didn’t feel threatened by him at all.
It was disgust.
And once that feeling set in, I couldn’t look at her the same way again.
I tried to work through it. Therapy, multiple times.
Nothing changed.
Over time, I lost attraction. Then respect. Then everything else.
And once respect is gone, the relationship is already dead whether you admit it or not.
So if you’re in a situation where something about your partner’s past is making you feel that way, don’t ignore it.
Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking it’ll just go away.
Because sometimes it doesn’t.
And dragging it out just wastes both of your time.
They deserve someone who can fully accept them.
And you deserve someone you don’t feel that way about.