u/Alone-Dinner-3027

To brief the start of this, I started dating this girl in 2024 and we were together for roughly a year and a half. During that time, this girl put me through hell. I’m going to get into the details and reveal something I swore I would take to the grave because it’s eating me up inside.

On multiple occasions throughout the relationship, she texted other guys. She never lifted a finger for herself, and ultimately I funded both of our lives. About a year into our relationship, she wrote a list of every single guy she had sex with. It had detailed explanations of what it was like, what kind of person they were, and whether she missed them or not.

How I found this list was because I went through her phone after having a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. I saw a message to a guy on Snapchat and opened it. There were no messages in the chat, but there was a saved photo — a picture of a piece of paper with the guy’s name at the top and a description of what he meant to her and what their sexual experiences were like.

My heart sank. My body was riddled with anxiety over this, and I had to find where this notebook was. One day, when I was alone in her room, I found it. To my utter surprise, there it was — a list. Fifteen names. I flipped the page and read every single word. The feelings I went through that night I can’t describe.

To make things worse, one of the names had a description saying she should have chosen him and been with him instead. Unbeknownst to me, and here’s the mic drop — it was my cousin. I didn’t know it was my cousin at the time, but she kept him on Snapchat and they would message from time to time, sending photos and the rest.

Before I carry on, many will wonder why I stayed or put up with any of this. I don’t have an answer. I was stupid, and my tolerance has now turned into disgust.

This next part is something I swore I’d take to my grave. Close to when me and her first started going out, we were drinking wine in my living room. She was lying on her stomach, and I put my hand over her ass and took a photo on her phone. Her next words after I took that photo still sicken me.

She asked, “Can I send it to (name)?” The name was her brother — her half-brother, but that changes nothing. I instantly said, “No, what the fuck?” She replied, “But your hand’s on my ass.” I said no again, and we continued the night.

I never forgot that moment. But it gets worse.

A lot later, after I had found the list and been through other situations with her, I was going through her phone one night. That moment popped back into my head, and my brain told me, “Just check for peace of mind.” I clicked on her brother’s Snapchat profile and looked at the saved chats.

At first it looked normal, but when I scrolled down, I saw that a few weeks before we got together, her and her brother had been sending nudes and sexual videos to each other. I was shocked and sick. I didn’t mention it for months until I finally did.

Again, why I put myself through this, I don’t know.

Despite all of this, I never argued, shouted, or raised my voice at her. Every situation, I stayed calm and collected.

At one point in the relationship, everything seemed settled — even though I was a shell of myself by then, insecure and full of anxiety. She said we should try for a baby. I was very hesitant. It wasn’t something I wanted at that point in my life, especially because deep down I knew we wouldn’t last and that she wasn’t right for me.

But she kept begging me. Around that time, we were barely having sex because she was never in the mood. Sex was scarce in our relationship. Then one night she came onto me and wanted sex, and during it she begged me to finish inside her. Stupidly, I did.

A few days later, I told her we should not try for a child and that it wasn’t right for us. Then around a week later — she was pregnant.

I was shocked, but I accepted what was coming into my life. I started preparing. I bought everything for us. I was arranging council housing so we could move out of our parents’ houses. I was ready to be a father.

Six months into the pregnancy, my dad collapsed. His heart stopped randomly, and his wife saved his life. He was on life support for days. I went to the hospital thinking he wouldn’t make it.

I came home in an emotional state. My relationship with my father had always been complicated because he wasn’t there while I was growing up.

The next day, I was sitting at the table with my girlfriend when she showed me a Snapchat message. It was from the same guy from the list — the one she had stayed in contact with.

This is when it clicked. His name suddenly rang a bell. I realised it was my cousin.

The message said something like, “I don’t have (mine or my siblings’ names) on social media, can you tell them (my dad) is awake and well?”

That moment struck me to my core. Betrayal, regret, grief — all at once.

I didn’t go see my dad that day because I couldn’t face seeing my cousin, knowing my pregnant girlfriend had been emotionally cheating on me with him.

That night, I drank. I was overwhelmed by everything — my dad almost dying, being unable to see him, everything she’d done to me. I sat alone with my AirPods in at full volume, drinking and thinking.

The thoughts got louder and louder. I was clinking two bottles together harder and harder until they smashed. My hand was sliced open.

I went to one side of the room and cried. My brother came downstairs, wrapped my hand, and my sister’s boyfriend came over. They took me to the hospital, where I got stitches.

My pregnant girlfriend stayed that night. She was caring toward me, pampering me slightly. Things seemed okay.

But the next day, I knew we needed to be apart.

When I told her, she started saying she was going to kill herself, that she couldn’t do this anymore, and that she wanted to end her life.

I couldn’t let her leave alone, so I called her mum and told her what she had said. Her parents were high on weed at the time and didn’t seem to care much.

While waiting for her stepdad to arrive, I stood in front of my bedroom door so she couldn’t leave in that state. She hit me and scratched me until I calmed her down.

She got picked up, and our relationship ended six months into the pregnancy.

After that, we still talked every day about the baby. I drove to pick her up so we could have serious conversations about what we were going to do when our son was born. She even stayed at my house some nights. Everything was civil.

Her parents never liked me, and I believe it was jealousy because their own relationship was toxic — cheating and constant arguing.

After the incident where I cut my hand, they manipulated her into believing I was some violent, dangerous person who couldn’t be trusted.

Eventually, she believed it too.

Now to the emotional part.

My baby has been born.

For the last month before the birth, she had blocked me on everything. The only way I could contact her was through her mum, and even that got nowhere.

I thought she would contact me when she went into labour. She didn’t.

The way I found out I had become a dad was by making a Hinge profile. I saw her profile, and one of the photos was her outside the hospital with my newborn son in a car seat.

She had put my newborn son on a dating app before telling me he was born.

I messaged her mum and stepdad asking if I could come see him. No reply.

Later that evening, my ex called me. I asked if I could come see my son. She said, “Maybe, maybe. I don’t know if I want you to see him yet.”

She then gave me details about the birth.

Four days after he was born, she called me properly.

Eventually she agreed that I could come and see him. I drove over. Her stepdad answered the door and didn’t say a word to me.

I went upstairs and saw her holding my baby boy.

I held him for the first time.

I stayed there for around three and a half hours. I held him, changed him, fed him, and burped him. Everything seemed okay.

I asked if I could see him the next day, and she agreed.

Today was completely different.

I went around and held my son. He needed changing, and I had only changed him once before. While changing him, he peed and soaked his clothes.

She scolded me and talked to me like I was stupid, despite it being my second time and having no help or guidance.

Later, while feeding him, she suddenly asked, “Are you going to apologise?”

I asked, “For what?”

She brought up comments I made a month ago that hurt her feelings. In my mind, those comments were nothing compared to everything she had done.

I told her I didn’t need to apologise and that we should focus on the baby and the present.

That’s when she turned hostile.

She started dictating when I could see my son, for how long, and on what days.

I replied, “This is going to have to go to court then.”

She snapped back saying she wanted me to take her to court, that she was already lawyered up, and then said something that shook me:

“The things I can say will make sure you never see this boy.”

At that point, I knew where she stood.

I said nothing. I stood up, grabbed my coat and water bottle, and left while she continued shouting hurtful things.

As I stepped outside, the smell of weed filled the house.

That immediately raised alarm bells for me. Her parents smoke weed constantly, and this had always been a concern of mine, especially now with my newborn son in that environment.

That’s when I realised I may not be able to protect my son’s wellbeing unless I take action.

I decided I’m contacting the police and social services.

On the drive home, I pulled over and called her. I told her I wanted to be in my son’s life and that she shouldn’t take that away from him.

She called me evil, dangerous, and painted herself as perfect.

None of it reflects reality.

When I got home, I called the police and requested a welfare check on my newborn son because I was genuinely concerned about the environment he was in.

Her mother has manipulated her into believing I’m violent and dangerous.

All I want is to be in my boy’s life and be the best dad I can be.

I grew up without a dad and never wanted that for my child.

But now I don’t know how to fight this when they are making it so difficult.

I just want to be his dad.

To brief the start of this I started dating this girl in 2024 and we were together for 1 and half years roughly. In the time we were together this girl put me through hell, I will get into the details and want to reveal something that I swore I would take to the grave as it is eating me up inside.

On multiple different occasions this women has texted other guys throughout the whole relationship, she never lifted a finger for herself and ultimately I was funded both our lives. About a year into our relationship she wrote a list about every single guy she has had sex with. Very detailed explanations on what it was like and what kinda person they were, also whether she misses them or not. How I found this list was I went through her phone with a feeling in my gut that I needed to check something. I saw a message to a guy on Snapchat and I opened it, there weren’t any message in the chat but photo that was saved in the chat. A photo of piece of paper, at the top the guys name and then a description of what he meant to her and there sexual time together went. My heart sink and my body riddled with anxiety over this, I had to find where this notebook it was written in was. One day when I was in her room alone I found the notebook and to my utter surprise, a list. Right in front of me. 15 names. I flipped the page and read every single word. The feelings I went through that night I can’t describe. To move this on there was one name in where she described how she should’ve choose him and been with him instead. Unbeknownst to me and here’s the mic drop, it was my cousin. How I found out was my cousin was later on through this hell of a situation I’m going though right now, but this guy (who I didn’t know was my cousin at the time) she kept on her Snapchat and they would message from time to time, send photos to each other and the rest. Before I carry on many will wonder why I stayed or put up with any of this and I don’t have an answer, a stupid man I was and my tolerance has turned into disgust. This is not in timeline order but the thing I swore I would take to my grave, close to the time me and her had started going out we were drinking wine in my living room. she was laying on her stomach and put my hand over her ass and take a photo on her phone, her next words after I take this photo sicken me and how I didn’t have a second thought in my head I don’t know. “Can I send it to (name)” the name was her brother, her half brother but that doesn’t change anything. I instantly say “no wtf” and she replies “but your hands on my ass” I say no again and we continue the night. I never forgot about that moment but it gets worse, a lot of time later now after I had found the list and being through other situations with her, I was going through her phone one night. that moment popped into my head, my brain “just check for peace of mind” I clicked on her brothers snapchat profile and see the saved in chats, it looks normal until I scroll down, this is when I saw that a few weeks before me and her got together her and her brother had been sending nudes and sexual videos to each other. I was shocked and sick, I didn’t mention this to her for months until I finally did. Once again why I put myself through this I don’t know. To move along now all of these situations have happened and throughout all these situations I had never argued or shouted/raised my voice at this women, every situation I was calm and collected. Now, a moment in our relationship where everything seemed settled despite me being a shell of myself at this point , insecure and riddled with anxiety. She said we should try for a baby, I was very hesitant and this was not on my options at this point in my life especially because deep down I knew we wouldn’t last and that she wasn’t right for me. She mentioned this to me and was begging me to have a baby with her. At this point in our relationship we were practically never having sex because she was never in the mood, sex was a scarcity within our relationship. Now that night she had came on to me and wanted to have sex, so we did and to be explicit she was begging me to finish inside her, me stupidly I did. After this the following days I had a conversation with her saying we should not try for a kid and it isn’t right for us at the moment.. then around a week or so later. She’s pregnant, we’re having a kid. Shocked and surprised I accepted what has come into my life and we started preparing. I bought everything for us I was making her go through the council so we could both move out our parents house I was ready to have this kid. 6 months into the pregnancy my dad dies.. heart stopped randomly his wife saved his life, he was on life support for days. I went to the hospital and saw him thinking he wouldn’t make it out. I came home an emotional state as my relationship with my father has never been good through him not being there while I was growing up and etc. the next day comes and I’m sitting with my then girlfriend at the table. She shows me a message she had gotten on her Snapchat. The same account of my cousin who she had wrote about in the list and they talked from time to time. This is how I put two and two together, suddenly his name did ring a bell and I had the realisation it was my cousin. The message he sent was along the line of “I don’t have (mine or my siblings names) on any social media can you tell them (my dad) is awake and well”. I was struck to my core with betrayal and regret and all the emotions when your life crumbles in front of you. I didn’t go see my dad that day because I couldn’t face the fact of seeing my cousin who my pregnant girlfriend was micro cheating on me with. I drank that night, sad as anything over these situations while my ex girlfriend sat on the other side of the room me up the table with my AirPods in full volume, thinking about everything, my dad dying and being happy he’s alive but then not being able to see him, everything that she had done to me. It all got very overwhelming and I was clinking two bottles together as the thoughts got louder and the music so loud the clanking got harder and harder and then smash two bottles now smashed over the table, my hand, sliced open. In a drunken sadness I go over to one side of the room and cry and cry my brother, comes downstairs wraps my hand up my sisters boyfriend (they live across the road) comes over and they take me to hospital. I get stitches and that was that of that. Now my pregnant girlfriend, she stayed that night until I got back and everything was ok between us, she was fine with me pampering me slightly and overall ok with me. Throughout this next day I was thinking whether me and her work well together and whether we should be with each other. I made the decision we need to be apart, so I ask her to leave and this is where things turn for the worst, she
Starts saying to me how she’s gonna kill herself and she can’t do this anymore, overall just saying how mentally challenging everything has been for her and she wants to end her life. This was said more aggressive and emotional but that’s the run down, at this point I can’t let her leave on her own so I take action and call her mom. I let her know she’s said these things and to come pick her up, this was late at night and her parents smoke weed all the time and her mom all day. So they were high and seemed little caring about what I just told them , after the phone ended and her step dad was on the way I couldn’t let her leave so I stood infront of my bedroom door just standing in the way. She hit me and scratched me until I calmed her down then she sat on my bed waiting. She got picked up and our relationship ended 6 months into the pregnancy. We still talked actively everyday about the situation we were in at this point, I even drove to pick her up so we could have in depth conversations about what we’re gonna do when our baby boy is born and how we’re gonna work through it. She even came back to my house and stayed the night a few nights. Everything was fine and we were civil. This is where the situation I’m in now comes into play, her parents have never liked me for no reason, even though I gave their daughter everything and treated her with the upmost respect throughout everything. I believe it was pure jealousy because their relationship is horrible, cheating on each other always arguing and such. But after the incident with slicing my hand open they have manipulated her into believe I am this god awful man who is violent at any given moment and I can’t be trusted in any way. This really got into her head and now she believes it aswell. To come to the part which I need advice on now because this is the emotional part for me. My baby has been born, the last month I have been blocked by her on everything with the only way of contacting her being through her mom, which I did try once but that was no use. I really thought she would’ve contacted me when she was in labour but she didn’t, how I found out I was dad was I made a hinge dating profile. I saw her profile, a photo of her outside the hospital with my newborn son in the car seat. On her dating profile. I then message her mom and step dad saying I know he’s been born and can I go see him later on that day, no reply from either of them. Later on that evening I get a call from my ex girlfriend, I answer and say I know he’s been born can I come see him. She replies with “maybe maybe, I don’t know if I want you to see him yet” she then gives me details about him and the birth. 4 days after he was born she calls me up, and it wasn’t even news to me. As I said I found I was a dad because she put my newborn sons photo on a dating website. Carrying on tho she eventually says I can come and see him so I get in my car and drive over there, I knock on the door and her step dad answers, he doesn’t say a word to me. I ask how he is and he doesn’t reply he says I can go up stairs and see my son. I get to her room and knock on the door she says “come in” I walk in and see her sitting there with my baby boy in her arms I go over and hold him for the first time. I stayed there for around 3 and a half hours everything was fine, not much conversation only about the baby. I held him, changed him, fed him, burped him. It seemed ok, I left and me and her texted I asked can I see him tmrw and she was fine with that. Now moving onto the events of today. I go round and it’s a completely different atmosphere, I hold my son and he needs changing I realise. I have only changed his nappy once, she was adamant I didnt get his sleep suit wet or dirty so I tried my best, while I was changing him he peed and it ran down him and soaked his clothes. I was scolded for this, talked to like I was stupid when it was my second time ever changing a nappy with no guidance or help from her. She got some fresh clothes for him and I changed him then I’m sitting there holding him. To give some context she did not once think twice about leaving me alone with my child I was left alone with him in her room for around 10 minutes (there is no worry leaving me alone with him but I will get to why this matters). I pass him to her so she can begin feeding him. After a minute or two of silence she says “are you gonna apologise?” I reply “what for?” She then mentions comments I made a month ago which had hurt her feelings, despite these comments hurting her feelings they were not awarding of an apology as what she put me through, the things she said and how aggressive she spoke to my mother over the phone, the comments I made were a slither of what she had done. I then reply saying “I don’t need to give you an apology we should put that in the past and focus on the now and the baby we have together that is here”. This is where she turned hostile against me and made comments commanding when I’m going to see my son and how long for and what days of the week, I simply replied “this is gonna have to go to court then” to which she hurls at me saying how she wants me to take her to court, she’s lawyered up, and then the comment which shocked me “the things I can say will make sure you never see this boy”. At this point I knew where she stood and wanted to handle it the correct way. I didn’t say another word and stood up, picked up my coat and my water bottle and left her room not saying a word while she carried on saying hurtful things on my way out. I walked down the stairs and to the front door the keys hang up next to the door so I unlocked the door and left. As soon as I took a step out the front an aroma of weed surrounded the whole house. This was inevitably her parents doing, a concern of mine when she fell pregnant and even before. My child being looked after by people under the influence of drugs. This is when it struck me I’m not going to be able to look after my sons wellbeing so that’s when I decided I’m going to contact the police and go to social services on the Monday coming. On my way home I pulled over to call her, that conversation consisted of me saying how I want her to know I want to be in my babies life and how she shouldn’t take that away from him, she goes on about how I’m an evil dangerous person and how she is this perfect women who has never done any wrong in the world. Everything she said could not be further from the truth. After this phone call I drove home, as soon as I arrived home I phone the police saying I need a welfare check on my newborn sons current wellbeing truly concerned about the conditions he was being looked after in. I described everything in the moment, and with my worry so strong there are things I left out which will soon be in light. Basically her mother has manipulated her into believing im this evil violent person who can’t be trusted around my son. All I want is to be in my boys life and be the best dad for him, I grew up without a dad and never wanted that for my children but how do I go about this when they are making it so difficult for me. Anyone who has read all the way thank you even if it doesnt flow, thank you for reading. I just want to be his dada