May 1st. That day was mentioned so much when announcing you to various family members, friends, and coworkers. It’s also your uncle’s birthday and he was so excited to share it with you.
I remember coming to this page very soon after my loss in November. I thought the day would never come. I should have had her in my arms by now or at least in a couple of days.
I didn’t get to meet her/see her. The evidence of her existence is in the stretch marks on my belly, on printed ultrasound photos, on lab results from my D&C.
I’m still so deeply disturbed by our abrupt goodbye. I wear a necklace with an emerald and don’t take it off, to have her birthstone near my heart every day. I’ve never known love and grief like this.
My heart goes out to every single one of you in this season of Mother’s Day and upcoming due dates. We should be in newborn bliss. Instead, we are longing for what could have (and should have) been.