Struggling here. Started a therapy with my separated wife not that long ago < 3months, we recently stopped therapy and it seems to be over.
The beginning narrative them and that she feels now are the same (was a bit different in the middle), is that she asssociates pretty much all of her depression with me.
Although she's been telling me different things at different times, as of late she's pretty much dead set on we're done, and basically cited that she doesn't want to work on things because even though she loves me but not like she used to, she feels all of her depression and stress and everything that she dealt with before was almost entirely driven by me and my anxiety because she hasn't had to deal with it and has been sleeping better since we've been apart.
I do think it's possible, although a lot of the stressors we dealt with are currently on hiatus, as well as it's really difficult to stress about other things if you are dealing with marriage issues. It's hard to compare before and after when you take such drastic steps and a lot of the life's problems we had are currently 'calmer'
Unlike typical, it wasn't years of Slow Burn pain, she came to me early this year, and told me that she's been feeling unhappy (got clarityrecentlyit was since December, put a different time she's tried to say it was further back but only as clearly been able to point to December). She wanted space. It was confirmed that it was nobody else going on it's just us.
I know I can be a lot, but can a spouse who otherwise is good, just deals with anxiety about big problemd, be your entire cause of your depression? Especially when we've had so many external life stressors medical and legal over the years? I feel like I'm being projected onto because it's easier to toss one thing then to accept that there's a ton of stressors you can't control....
My wife is kind of the go with the flow person who basically doesn't worry about something until it's literally descending upon you. So I guess it could be that her absolute avoidance of things until it's almost too late doesn't jive with 'my need to get it fixed immediately.' Mentality. God knows where we would be at if I wasn't like that. Jesus....
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Anyway although the 'D' word hasn't been thrown around very much except as a hair trigger, it was expressed that we're not working on anything and won't be , so I'm going to have to start warming up to the idea I guess that things are f*cked f*cked. I'm just so confused because it came on pretty dang fast. Also basically saying you love someone but you don't like have the same love as when you got married to me is like duh, it takes time and work to keep the love going. But for her that seems like too much work she doesn't want to do. Been married Less Than 3 years so I'm like confused. She kind of considered what I said about working on it but basically said she didn't want to.
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Has anyone else felt like being projected upon or something similar to this? Or a similar walk away spouse situation that was extremely fast and felt almost like rash based on external stress?