Hi all,
I (24F) dated my coworker (23M) for two months in the fall. We had both very recently come out of five-year relationships before we began seeing each other. We were both the ones to break up with our exes.
After a month of pure bliss, the real world broke through and our relationship became an emotional mess. I broke up with him because we just weren't happy and we were both emotionally unavailable.
A week later he decided to start therapy and gave me a call to tell me that in his first session he realized he was not over his ex-relationship. (Honestly, I wasn't over mine either. I was just more in denial.) He still loved her. He said he may even want to get back together with her.
We didn't talk for about two months after. Also, he never got back with his ex. I think he was just spiraling.
Slowly, we began speaking again. Now, it is late spring and we talk everyday. The dynamic is different. We both seem to be in very good places. He got back in his routine, he traveled to Japan with his best friends, he started spending a lot of time with his family and friends. I went on a solo road trip around the country, I picked up a lot of hobbies, applied and was accepted into graduate school, and started becoming closer than ever with my best friends and my family.
I know he still has feelings for me and boy do I still have feelings for him. Recently we began even talking outside of work (texting, the occasional phone call) and even ran into each other at a bar and spoke about our relationship and our break up for the first time. He said our relationship was the happiest he had ever been in his life. He said if I would ever take him back he wants to be ready because the idea of hurting me again makes him sick. He said he is not ready for anything and wants to learn how to make himself happy alone.
Is it toxic that we continue to talk everyday despite having feelings for one another? I will note that I have been dating and seeing other people. He has not. We are incredibly close. I will note, that I now a feel a comfortability with him that I have never felt before. I can truly be myself around him and he just loves it. He makes me laugh. He remembers everything about me and I feel like he actively tries to understand me. We just get each other. We are incredibly different on paper but I can't help but adore him. He is kind, humble, shy (very different than me), and I truly believe he will be an incredible husband and father. I think about a life where we work out very often.
He does have flaws though. He can be very avoidant. He is incredibly anxious and isn't great at communicating. I worry that those issues will always persist.
So---is it toxic? Am I waiting around for someone who will never be ready? Is he stringing me along? Will his ex-relationship always be a factor?