u/Allyheree

guys I'm from india and i have been been suffering from anxiety,low-self esteem and depression for a very long time i stopped going to school some months ago because i got treated so badly, my classmates always never allowed me to sit with them i also got bullied when i was a child, my family never tried helping me in anyway my mom only tried to talk with the teachers about this but whenever i tell her that someone in my class is doing this or that she just tries to justify their behaviour by saying things like 'because you don't talk with anyone in the class they ARE JUST TRYING TO TALK WITH YOU' I don't know if I'm being overrdramatic but i get hurt when people just dismiss me like this.. but after i got older my anxiety got even worser and i started to skip school a lot which made my family hit me,yell at me and tell me that I'm overracting about everything, after that they took me to a psychiatrist centre near us where i got my treatment for atleast 7 or 8 months. And me and my mom had to meet the psychiatrist of course Once in a while one. One day i told him how the way i felt like doing something to myself and he just said 'what is the point of doing that? What are you going to achieve by doing that?' with the most nonchalant expression ever and i went for therapy and counseling There as well and sometimes the counselor saw my cuts got mad at me and snapped at me (I'm a Christian btw) she said like 'what if jesus knows that you did that to your body you are not supposed to do something like that' and my mom was kinda doing a awakward laugh but it hurt me so bad like I'm just trying to make myself feel better in any way because no one is there for me or to support me i throwed away all of my friends that i had now I'm left with nothing just stuck at my home i just gave up on trying to get any better like no I don't need help just please leave me alone i don't want to see any psychiatric, psychologist or therapist I'm better off like this.. since i stopped going to my school some relatives ask me why can't i go to another school i already clearly stated it to them that i can't go to traditional school anymore because what i went through and it made me like this. I'm trying to join any online schooling this year but i don't know what to do with my stupid anxiety and nowadays i keep getting angry at my family for everything.. i just wanted to vent my frustration.