Can someone help me find god? I’ve been struggling with depression recently and I haven’t been able to shake it off. I’m just very low motivated and have low self esteem. I don’t know how to start praying, or start begging god to help me find happiness. If anyone can help me I would really appreciate it.
This is my first ever post. I’m 19 years old but turning 20 in December. I just have low motivation to do anything. I try to be more outgoing, I try to have small talks and get to know people but it’s like the people around me are hard to connect with. I think I’ll make a new friend and then they’ll just do some weird backstabbing shit. I joined the military because I thought it would give me structure, confidence and a purpose in life but what it’s really doing is showing me that my sad life before the military was better then the shit I’m going through now. Most of this sadness and low esteem probably comes from my childhood. My father was never there for me, my mother was in the army so she couldn’t be with her son. I just had my grandma to care for me, but she wasn’t really around aswell because she had to work to keep us alive so I spent most of my time at a daycare until I was 13. Honestly i just hate myself I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I don’t stick up for myself, or maybe it’s because I’m fucking skinny. I wanna be happy, I want to be wealthy and have a nice wife and children and make sure they don’t make the same mistakes as me. But this also seems impossible because I lack the self esteem. I’m so unmotivated and boring I don’t do much on my free time. It’s hard for me to find someone to talk too and start dating. How do I even find a girlfriend and love them when I can’t even love myself? I dont think I’ll kill myself but this constant loop of doing the same thing everyday is just pointless. I wake up I do some crazy physical exercises at 5 in the morning just to eat sleep and repeat the same shit. I just wanted to throw this out there and maybe get some responses on what I should do, or what could help me feel better and learn to love myself. I’m just stuck mentally and it’s pissing me off. I don’t wanna tell my friends Id rather receive help from strangers. Thanks for hearing me.