u/AllofJane

I used to dream of this day. One year free! And it's finally here.

I'm feeling much better and only occasionally have waves of withdrawal now. They're usually brought on by stress or illness, but the symptoms are distinct: feeling waves of anxiety, insomnia, malaise and anhedonia. But the waves are further apart and I mostly live in the windows now.

I was prescribed benzos in September 2020 because doctors thought my long COVID symptoms were just stress. No one really knew what long COVID was. Six months later, I was diagnosed with long COVID and I decided to stop the benzos. No one told me about the dangers, and I ended up simultaneously clutching a bucket while shitting my guts out, then fell over and had a seizure.

I did my own research, found the Ashton Manual, showed my doctor and began the 4.5 year process of tapering off. I started at 45 mg of oxazepam and my last dose was diazepam 0.25 mg.

I did it. It was awful. But I did it, and you can too.

I still have long COVID, but I'm not as severe anymore, I think in part because I'm off benzos.

Anyway, I hope someone finds my story encouraging.

Pretty much the title. I've been weeping off and on all morning and I'm trying all the tools I've learned for nervous system regulation and I think I'm at the point of just accepting that today is a weepy day.

I'm on optimized HRT, my ferritin is great, I'm exercising and sleeping well, eating well, and nothing in my life is seriously "wrong".

I'm just weepy.

I think what I need most is to have written this out, admit that I'm emotional, and ask all you lovely women if you ever experience this? Just crying into your coffee because someone hasn't texted you back, for example?