I F22 was 21 at the time, it was the end of February, i got out of a relationship in november that was messy in not great ways but were very much still in each others lives for multiple factors.
Anyways, My friend and I went into the city for a girls night club thing, i hadn’t ate that day and we pre drank at her accom we had 2 buzz balls each (Context: i don’t drink often and i also have bpd and know better than to get drunk because i typically become messy) we then stopped at a bar and had 2 double vodka red-bulls before buying 2 more buzzballs each for the train journey, our train wasn’t moving for ages and this couple in-front of us decided to leave and gave me a cup of prosecco which i also drank, at this point my memory becomes fuzzy and we hadn’t even left our original location, we ended up on a train (sorry if from here things jump from one thing to another i remember small amounts of the rest of the night)
the train was crowded so we were stood up and this guy and girl were stood next to me i must of began ranting about my ex because at one point the guy was messaging my ex on my phone (which i had no memory of until my ex told me later) we eventually get off the train and my friend falls and cuts her head open tripping on some steps not super bad but staff came over to help and the guy was there at this point from what i’ve been told he’s M19, i break down crying stressing over my friends bleeding head (useful i know) i go to the bathroom calm down and come back and she reassures me it’s a small cut and she’ll be okay, my next memory is being at a pub (wetherspoons) at this point i got a pitcher (seriously someone stop me) and a brownie and ice cream (food of some kind i suppose)
i drink that and eat my brownie the guy is still with us, he’s a local, he took us there. (context: since we were going to a club event we decided to not book a hotel and get the first train back to save money) he kept insisting on getting us a hotel we both refused but he insisted he could get one for discount and for us both to send him 10 which we end up doing under the assumption it would just be for me and her. Then we are at the hotel and since it was under his name we said the other guest was me since it was booked for 2, we get two key cards and my friend needs the toilet so i tell her to go. this is where it gets weird for me since i recall only meant to be going up to drop our bags off then going back out but she recalled that we were going to hang in the hotel for a bit before the event which he wasn’t going to.
I go up with him and we enter the room i drop our bags on the chair and he tells me to look out of the window for the view so i do then he’s behind me and pulls me back so i’m sat on his lap and he kisses me and i kept repeating i needed to get back to my friend and stood up, he also stood up but in a position in which he was blocking my path to get to the door from where i was, i kept telling him i need to go and that we’d come back and that we shouldn’t, then he keeps telling me to get onto my knees that it would only take a few minutes i hesitate then he pushes me down onto my knees and tell me to open my mouth which i do and i just remember i gagged a lot and he pulled me back up and started undoing my jeans and im not sure if i repeated i needed to leave again or what but then he pushed me onto the bed and told me to take them completely off and he got ontop of me and began to have sex with me i had my eyes shut the entire time i can’t remember if he held my wrists or anything this part i barely remember then he finished on my face and hair and i instantly rushed to the toilet crying and washed my face and what i could out of my hair i went back out got dressed and he was led on the bed smiling at me i think i was still crying and i grabbed my friend and is bags and mumbled we’d be back and rushed out of the room and hotel to my friend who instantly knew something wasn’t right
i began sobbing and according to her statement i told her i told him i didn’t want it etc and she got me a little bit away from the hotel before i had to stop and sit on some steps i spam called my ex and i cant remember what i said to him but i then called his bestfriend and he told us to go to somewhere safe and open and they were on their way (hour drive) i was spitting on the side of the street a lot during this and then put gum in my mouth, we went to a 24 hours maccies and there were police there and i broke down to an officer and he began walking us back to the station and from there he took some samples my underwear, a statement and my ex and his friend finally arrived they’d gone to the hotel first to find the guy but saw him being arrested instead, eventually i got to go home but couldn’t shower or wash my hair which i did a bit with water when i got to my exes, i went back to the city the next day and gave an video interview thing and the day after the police arranged a hospital appointment for a rape kit which i did. My friend has since given her statement to the police and if you’re wondering why she never came up to the room if that was the plan, apparently she came up and was knocking for ages but heard nothing and got no reply but in my mind i wouldn’t of ignored her so im unsure if i fell unconscious at any point, im currently waiting for forensics to examine everything but i found out through a friend i had sent him voice messages that night saying i need to be f^cked etc which i have no recollection of before we got to the hotel which has made me feel even worse.
I want to include he was sober and not drinking. (that i’m aware of)
Im struggling to process what happened to me and what it was and what to expect next, i know the statistic i study it at university my odds are slim if the CPS even proceed with the case. Im struggling in a way i don’t know how to express and im not entirely sure what im looking for my posting this.
I will probably make edits and im sure i’ve typed mistakes etc and can answer questions if anyone has them i think part of me just wants to talk about it