Hi suing a throwaway, so for context, I’m 25f and about 2 years ago I went on a date with a “friend” while experimenting with non-monogamy with my girlfriend. I trusted him since we were roommates one year in college and even though we had some sexual tension he never made me uncomfortable or afraid till that night. The date was fine for the most part, we agreed to get dinner, drinks. The only thing during the date that was weird is that he bought us a shot without asking me, so I felt as though I couldn’t have turned it down. I hadn’t eaten a single bite of food that entire day due to stress from a different, unrelated situation, I only ate a few bites of the food that I ordered at 9pm. I had 3 drinks in total, and that for me, makes the room spin while on a full stomach, so yeah it was pretty bad. He drank 3 drinks too and ate his meal whole, so i’m not entirely sure how intoxicated he was or not. I did also tell him about how little I ate and he saw I barely touched my food, asked for a to go bag for me even, the bastard.
So he did assault me afterwards at his place, I had bruising on my neck and body. I also had a gnarly internal injury or tear deep inside that has been giving me chronic pain since. I am getting medical care for a plethora of things one of them being a connective tissue disorder that makes me prone to tears and injury. Because of this I had a pelvic MRI done recently and finally have seen the damn tear and the inflammation around it that has been causing me so much pain since. And because of my connective tissue disorder it has caused a bunch of instability and nerve pain in my pelvic floor, hips and legs. I’m seeing a good medical team thankfully but I am trying to grasp with how much damage this has done and the fact that I have a very solid piece of evidence. I unfortunately did not take pictures of the bruising afterwards so I always felt like I did not have a solid case to pursue legally and it would have been my word against his. I don’t know if this MRI changes anything when it comes to my chances of being taken seriously. And due to how it went down and my fawning response during the whole thing I’m scared it would just be a waste of time.
This next part is a very detailed account of what happened, it is part of letter I sent to him to try to process what happened afterwards and confront him. It’s very detailed but contains the reasons why I think my case would not legally go very well. I also cannot keep recounting this event it is too much so I will just copy and paste it from that excerpt if the details can give better context for legal advice.
“Alright, I have finally accepted what happened the night we went out together, It took me two years and a lot of therapy but I finally ran out of excuses in my head for your behavior that night even considering my own lack of communication and mixed emotions about having consented to sex while we were intoxicated. My last messages to you were far too forgiving and I can only move on from this if I can feel like I did what I could to prevent it from happening to someone else.
You need to understand that what you did that night 2 years ago was sexual assault.
WHAT HAPPENED
You walked me to the elevator after we had our date. While waiting, you asked me for consent for a kiss while I was against a wall. I did want and consent to this, when I leaned more into it, the kisses came to my neck, I was ok with this and leaned in more towards it as I was responding to arousal. At some point during us kissing, you decided to pull my shirt and bra down completely revealing my breasts, this was unexpected and I was shocked. You did not ask for consent to undress me and continued to keep kissing me and kissed my breasts. I felt trapped at that moment since at that point both of your arms were blocking me from pulling or moving away. I was worried that someone else might see me undressed since we were in public. While you continued kissing me and touching me and I didn’t explicitly push you away, you assumed incorrectly I was enjoying what was happening and started dry humping me some, making me even more nervous since I interpreted it as you having the desire to have sex with me. This nervousness turned into genuine panic when you reached out to turn off the lights, I thought you were going to attempt to try to have sex right then and there and I did not want to do that in public but was enjoying the kissing right before, I realized that me leaning in to the touch gave you missed signals and I slightly pushed you off to try to stop you from going further. I said “would you like to go back to your place” and you smiled and agreed. I thought this could give me a chance to think about what I actually wanted to do and talk to you about it since it was a change of plan from what I intended that night to begin with and I was having a hard time communicating while I was pinned against the wall because that is specifically a trigger for me so I wanted to feel calmer before doing anything.
While on the way to your house, I was trying to come up with a way to communicate with (GF) what was happening since I wanted her to know my location. I asked you for help coming up with a message since the alcohol was making it hard to come up with anything coherent, I gave you my phone and you typed out that I was heading over to your place and that “I felt very safe and comfortable”. Not once that night did you actually ask me if I felt safe or comfortable and heard me verbally confirm that. You typing that scared me out of saying anything to the contrary, I sent that message even though I felt the complete opposite of safe and comfortable. When we got to your bedroom, while I was hesitant/scared/unsure to have sex with you I did consent to us having penetrative sex with a condom on and you did ask if I was ok with that, I wanted to enjoy it since I liked you and I ignored my own feelings of discomfort or pain, partially out of fear, partially out of habit. However I did not give you consent, neither verbal or non verbal, for the following acts that also happened:
Chocking
Bruising my neck and breasts
Spitting on my vagina
Oral, vaginal and anal
Frothing/Rubbing your unprotected penis on my vagina
Partially penetrating me without protection
These are all things that you did that night that you did not wait for/ask for consent for and my answer would have been no if you had asked regardless of any feelings, miscommunication, or intoxication. Finally, to really elaborate on what made me want to type this entire thing out in the first place, is when at the very end, you wanted to penetrate me without protection. I made clear at the beginning of us having sex that I was not on BC and did not want to have any sort of unprotected sex. This was a very important boundary to me as the last man that I had had sex with pressured me into giving him oral without a condom after saying no. I knew that before and while I was drunk that it was a non-negotiable. Before you even asked anything though, you were already rubbing your bare penis on my vagina while being on top of me which made me unable to move away at all, while you asked for “permission” you kept going in halfway in and out of me unprotected already, you noticed my silence and told me “that you were clean” as you kept going in and out of my vagina, each time it felt a little deeper. So I said yes since the boundary had already been ignored and I just wanted you off of me at that point. I couldn’t even look at you that last bit and just wanted to go home. I stayed still, trying to think about literally anything else, while you had your fun and finished.”
I’m posting here and need advice really badly, I don’t know if it’s just the victim blaming I still do but I also know the legal system in the US sucks, this happened in the state of Georgia too. so not great laws for this type of stuff. Would my MRI be solid enough evidence?? I also told him in this same letter I had no plans on pursuing legal action against him but this finding is making my head spin with the possibility. Did I fuck myself over by saying that?? He really didn’t think he did anything wrong either, so the thought of him walking around thinking that shit makes me nauseous.
Thank you so so much if anyone even reads this or responds