I feel like everyone hates me no matter what...
After years of isolation in my childhood and being made to feel as if everything that I did was wrong, I can't seem to fix the inner-voice that tells me that I am bothering everyone at all times. I ruin relationships by isolating myself because I am afraid of people seeing through my mask and realising how weird, unrelatable, and annoying that I am. I am always seeking reassurance, such as asking "I haven't done anything to annoy you?" or "let me know if I am talking too much", and ironically, this is a very annoying habit that pushes people away. If people do seem to enjoy my company, I will become extremely anxious about ruining everything with my personality eventually, and the intrusive thoughts about all the ways in which I am secretly bothering everyone are nonstop. The funny part is that people describe me as shy, but in my head, I feel that I talk way too much and need to shut up. I feel guilty if I talk for more than a few sentences. I hate being alone, but being around others causes me so much anxiety because I am convinced that I will ruin something good like I always seem to do. How can I even fix this mindset when it is from childhood experiences?