Boyfriend unsure about marriage (visa/immigration)
I (F 32) and boyfriend (M 33) have been about a year together in a kinda of LDR relationship seeing each other 2-3 weekends per month.
Our relationship started really well, but after a few months things got harder. I started studying and working a lot, and we live about 1.5 hours apart.
Because of his situation, I was usually the one traveling to see him. Between the distance, my financial and immigration stress, and some family issues on his side, we had a lot of ups and downs, but we always tried to work through it.
He has known about my immigration situation from the beginning. I was always honest that my visa was temporary, but we both thought I would be able to stay longer through work. Early in the relationship, we talked about marriage, and he told me more than once that if I ever needed to get married for immigration reasons, he would do it to help me. I told him I didn't want a fake marriage. I wanted a real relationship, and I was trying to stay through work first. But still we started having deeper conversations about money,
responsibilities, kids, living together, and building a future.
Now my situation changed. I lost the job opportunity that was supposed to help me stay, and my visa is close to expiring. I talked to a lawyer and looked into other options, but realistically, marriage would be the simplest and most practical path. It would also let us finally live together and remove a lot of the pressure caused by distance and immigration uncertainty.
But now that the situation is real, he seems like he doesn't want to do it anymore.
He is trying to find other ways for me to stay, and I do appreciate that. But I also feel rejected and hurt. He told me before that I could trust him, and now I feel like he is backing out when I actually need him.
I understand marriage is a huge decision, especially after only a year together. I don't want to pressure him into something he isn't ready for.
But at the same time, if someone says they want a future with you, I don't understand how they could let you leave the country instead of choosing to build that future together.
Now I'm starting to lose trust. Even if I somehow fix my visa another way, I don't know if I could continue the relationship the same way.
Immigration is always uncertain, and I'm scared that if I need him again later, he won't show up for me.
Am I being unfair because marriage is a huge decision, or is it reasonable to feel hurt and question the relationship after this ?