Is this a case of quiet BPD?
Can anyone help me? I have a tendency to attract people with bpd traits but until now they have been very expressive and kinda easy to spot but this one story is hard to tell. I need some guidance.
So three weeks ago I met a person on dating app we connected very intensely over a very short period of time. We spent a lot of time together, every free time he had he would spend it with me. We had strong chemistry, playful and flirtatious moments, and quickly became emotionally invested in each other. He talked about the future very early on, including visiting my home country, living together, and even having children someday. He also said he felt like he was already my boyfriend. This was week one…
At the same time, the dynamic became emotionally unstable quite quickly. He seemed very sensitive to distance and reacted strongly when I did not respond to him for a short time like 20 mins.. which made me feel some pressure. I also was not always communicating clearly myself and sometimes pulled away when I felt overwhelmed or irritated. Once he showed up at my early in the morning without warning because he was afraid he was losing me. I let him in and we hugged to which he felt relief but I told him very softly later that it was not the best way to reach out and he should have told me beforehand. He said that he understood and would never do that again.
Over the next week, I started noticing inconsistency in him. He could be very warm, affectionate, and emotionally present one moment, and then suddenly distant or emotionally shut down the next. Toward the end, he became colder and more withdrawn, especially when stress from work and uncertainty about the future came into the picture. We also had the reality that I live in a country in Europe and was only temporarily in his country(in Asia).
Eventually, after I sensed he was cold and distant I told him that I did not think it was the right time for us and that I needed to focus on school and myself. He accepted it, but the conversation felt emotionally flat and unresolved to me. His only response was “take care” Since then, we have not spoken, which has left me confused and grieving the intensity and potential of the connection, while also realizing that the relationship may not have been emotionally stable or sustainable long term…
Does this sound like quite borderline? Help