Day 0.5, I don't know why I'm here but the idea of quitting has been popping up in my head the past few days.
I am still very much having thoughts of, "you aren't addicted," "there's no point in quitting, it's fun, it's not a problem." I don't WANT to quit. But...
I have been smoking since I was 13ish, I'm 23 now. It has been daily, nonstop use since I was 18. Today is the first day I decided not to smoke at all. Really, it was because of my insane finals schedule right now, and I want to lock in, but also my body has been kind of yelling at me to reconsider my usage for a minute now.
I think I'm dumber. I don't know how else to put it, unfortunately. My brain is lagging behind everyone else around me. I can't remember shit, I am just so slow now. It makes me really depressed. My self-esteem has always been so low that I would always try to find value in my humor and my intelligence. Yet now I don't even have that. More than anything, I feel shame and embarrassment.
I want to be physically healthier, move around more, eat less junk, and think more. And maybe I'm starting to realize that weed might be a big factor in my lack of those attributes. Who knows. Maybe I would be happier and healthier without it. I for sure would be saving more money, which I also definitely need.