Life is unbearable.
I've been physically and mentally ill since 2013 now, just turned 30 only to find out my dad has stage 4 cancer which also spread to his brain. My life in general is trash; I dont have friends, a future, I suffer all day long from physical symptoms and that together is hard enough. But I've been grateful all the time, I prayed, chose to be happy etc. Now my dad will probably die, he is only 58. I just can't live this life anymore it's unbearable. I wish to die in my sleep everyday. I just do not have any goals anymore in this life, it is only suffering. I am scared to k*ll myself because I dont wanna end up in hell and dont want to hurt my dad even more. But how am I supposed to have hope now. This life already ripped me apart. I know this life is full of tests, but apparently there are Muslims out there who have a great life here & in the hereafter probably. People like me just suffer to end up unaliving themselves to go to hell, I dont understand this concept anymore and question my faith.