I m a 43M in a 15 yr of marriage with 8 yr old. I found out about 2 months ago that my wife has an affair with an ex colleague of hers (who is married & has a 1 yr old.)
I found them cheating through WhatsApp chats which she would otherwise delete before coming home. I had a hunch from a long time & i decided to act to figure out which i did & it made me real sad, angry. I confronted her but she didn't really apologies or felt guilty. I was devasted initially thinking that it was the end of our marriage but feelings for her & my son made me think that the only choice in front of me was reworking on marriage & how wrong was I.
Since the affair was out, I thought she will stop talking but even when I asked her she would get defensive & argue saying she will not stop. So we went to a counsellor who suggested No contact period, which she grudgingly accepted. But even before that period started all the planning from those 2 was done. She had taken 2 of their mutual friends into confidence (both with family & young once) & i dont know what these guys are high on but they colluded. Through this no contact period they acted as messengers providing any messages to each one of them. They would provide any details these guys would want & even pass on emotional messages. I believed her blindly again this that period (how fool of me) but it was just a eye wash. He was sending her gifts, song dedications, vitual parties & what not btw she was reciprocating all this.
When I figured out what was going on I just lost it & said that i will under no circumstance will give divorce (which his wife is also saying) & make her life hell. I know this is initial anger but I for sure wont throw in towel like that so she can have her own way.