I find myself very spacey, like less gravity in my thoughts lately(pun intended). As I struggle to care enough about my everyday happenings, I notice this almost in Birds Eye view, I can’t help but watch it as a passenger in my own car, however. After so much ups and downs, I don’t really get angry or enraged at being let down by others,from failed relationships, to early sexual abuse, family trauma, military ptsd(combat medic), the whole shabang..
Instead of anger, I’m disappointed, like a child with a science project ruined the night before, or an older sibling giving advice upon deaf ears.. that’s what the feeling is now with my daily let downs by others. Or even the big things now, no anger, just a grayscale, yet profound disappointment.
I’m not sure where this goes from here, since my mind has shifted into this observation mode almost, I want to hold onto things that are important to me, but life has made me separate from self more than I wish, to survive life. As a Scorpio this is extremely difficult to shake for me right now, it’s like the snake eating itself.
I’m so aware of everything it seems, yet I’d rather numb that to not be so vigilant, because my nervous system is damaged from life. I accept all the things that have happened, and know I’m not higher thou for gaining insane awareness(to the point of the previously mentioned disappointment) through understanding all those things. .
This is where I want to say I struggle to know whether this is narcissistic(I don’t believe it is), or is this some Scorpio stuck on a space shuttle level thinking? Apologies for the vague and analogous thoughts during moments, my Vyvanse is still in its way and my adhd speaks to me in Aslan’s voice from the lion the witch and the wardrobe.
You guys let me know.
And smile when you can family. -fellow scorp