My situationship of the last year (after a tough divorce) cheated on me and has ghosted me for over 2 weeks after I poured my heart out. Do I keep no contact or reach out for closure?
I’m a guy in my early 30s. About a year ago I went through a brutal divorce. Since then I’ve done a lot of work on myself — therapy, journaling, focusing on family and friends, working out, etc.
During this time, a girl who’s been in my life for a few years (we knew each other as friends first) started pursuing me hard. We weren’t officially public or “official,” but we were pursuing each other exclusively — or at least that’s what I believed. I’ve genuinely never been pursued like that before, and it felt really good. We had so much in common and things were going well. She always said everything right — that cheating would never be a part of our story, that she’d walk with me through the difficult days and my healing process, and that I was “the one” for her. Because she made me feel so safe, I opened up to her about my terrible relationship history — every serious relationship I’ve had has ended in cheating, and I’m still carrying trauma from that.
For a while she was completely understanding and said she was happy to take things slow, one day at a time. But over the last 3 months her tone shifted. She started pressuring me about why I wasn’t moving faster. Then she began mentioning how many guys were reaching out and asking her out. That immediately raised red flags.
Two weeks ago, I saw a text on her phone from a guy with a heart emoji next to his name. I asked her about it in the moment, and she assured me it was nothing… which I knew in my heart wasn’t true. The next day I wrote her a long message. I told her how blindsided and deeply hurt I was, how triggering this was because of my past, and I put the ball in her court to lead the communication moving forward. I tried to be as respectful and non-accusatory as possible. She promised she would respond and address everything I said… but it’s now been over two weeks of complete silence. I unsent the message recently because the silence was killing me, but I’m still absolutely crushed. I didn’t do anything wrong here. I truly just want answers and some form of closure.
I don’t want things to be over with her, but I know in my heart that major changes would have to happen for it to work. Should I continue no contact, or is it worth extending an olive branch to at least get some closure? I feel stuck between knowing what’s probably best for me and still hoping she’ll realize what she threw away.
Any advice or encouragement is appreciated.