Burning away, I stare
In grief, in silence
In contempt, in frustration
In a hole so hollow yet full
Stuck in an all too familiar frozen state
A cheap shovel now burned
A hole eaten away by constant use
Not for what it expected
But for what it was given
Now unable to shovel away
At the snow, dirt, and clay
Thrown to the side
By a god so hate driven
He'll ask you 7 times
7 times you say no
Again and again he'll ask
And pressure
And guilt
And he'll remember what comes after
But never those 7 no's.
You are safe here
You control everything within your home
You own everything within these walls
That bed is yours
That couch is yours
That table is yours
Everything in the cabinets
In the closets
The drawers
All belong to you
Everything here is untainted
Untouched
By unwanted hands
Unseen
By unwanted eyes
Unknown
By unwanted minds
Expirations used up and thrown away
And replaced with one a-new
An untouched device
An untouched womb
You are in control here
You are safe here
And you always will be
Just two little guys from broken homes
Connecting with each other in hopes of a home of our own
Something we can build
Something we can invest in
Young love is scary
I want it to last
But the chances of it are low
But with you, I'm sure we can keep going
I'm sure we can go to the mountains together,
Camp in forests
Meet each other's families
Hold each other's hands
And be vulnerable under the safety of our sheets
The caress of your hand
The warmth of your body
The steadiness of your breath
The beat of your heart
Compliments mine so well
How realistic and pragmatic we are
Honestly makes it easier to work towards that future with you
Everything we are for each other
Comes out of a fundamental want
I want to see you relaxed
I want to see you smile
I want to see you happy
I want to see you by my side
Young love is scary
I hope ours doesn't subside.
It's embarrassing being mad at the person who you loved so much that the pain hurts 100x more than it would if it were someone else
It's embarrassing finally getting through the dam of hurt and resentment
It's embarrassing staring at the you that couldn't move on to the next step
It's embarrassing looking at the you now who's finally able to feel their feelings
The feelings of love
Feelings hurt
Those self deprecating feelings
"How could you do that"
"They're a human being. why can't you be more empathetic"
"You hurt someone you loved so much"
"They're gonna have to live with this"
Well so do I.
But these feelings of self hatred and despair
It just feels so stupid
Stop feeling so bad you stupid wiltering flower.
Or keep feeling bad, maybe you'll feel a fraction of what they felt.