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^(September 02, 2021)

We have been together coming up to 3 years. I(m35) her(f37). We met after she had moved back to our hometown about 4 years ago.

Some background. She, Mary, lived with a guy, let's say Bob who is in his 40's, for over ten years. They met at their work place. She moved to his city for a job after college. He had 3 girls under 7yo at the time. He went thru a bad marriage, then the mom disappears after the divorce. She meets this guy, they find time to date then she moves in with him. She is crazy in love. Then for 10 years or so she was essentially the mom and wife, without being official. Mary wanted to get married and have her own child(ren). Bob did not want to rush into another marriage. Eventually, he just told her he never wants to get married again or have children. This of course crushes Mary. She felt she lost 10 years in which to have her own children even though she loved Bob's. They called her mom. Mary breaks it off, moves back to this side of the country to start over.

We met one night at a get together with mutual friends she had reconnected. We started dating then committed to each other. It's been almost 3 years, we have talked marriage and children, I have none. Late bloomer. We moved in together a year next month. We had talked of getting married late next year. I have not proposed but we have ring shopped.

Mary has kept in touch with the girls over the last few years. They gossip and ask Mary for advice. She has not been in contact with Bob in any regular way. Just birthday wishes etc. Bob has not dated seriously since Mary left. This weekend, the oldest daughter is getting married. She asked Mary to come help her with the last minute preparations and such. The wedding planning is set but the daughter wanted her, Mary, to be there as the mother of the bride. Nothing to do with the ceremony but just be there for her. Mary asked what I thought. I knew she wanted to be there so I told her I had not objections. I had to work during the week so I could not go. Mary has been there since Monday night. She contacted me when landing and that night before bed. Then Tuesday, good morning. Since then nothing. I have texted and called. No response. The texts were read.

Finally I get a text this morning. She mentions how crazy busy she has been. No mention of why no response. She reconnected with old friends and of course Bob. There has been a lunch and dinner of some sort each day. Friday night is the rehearsal dinner. Ceremony and reception on Saturday. Flight home is Sunday afternoon. I asked if she wanted me to fly out late Friday night to be there with her. She said no. She thought dragging me into her old life would not be fair to me. I asked her to text me before bed and in the morning as we did Monday night/Tuesday morning. She said ok. Then for some reason I asked how her hotel room was. I got no answer.

Finally, about an hour later I got a phone call from her. She wanted me to know that she cancelled the hotel and is staying at Bob's house. They have an extra room since the bride moved out. They just put the 2 remaining daughters back into one room. I asked how long was this planned. She said the daughters mentioned it as a possibility when everything was being planned. They asked their dad and he had no problem with it. She cancelled her hotel last weekend but never mentioned it to me because she did not want to make a big deal of it. She just wanted to be with her girls. I told her that she is being sketchy. She started crying at this point. I apologized for the name calling and told her we can talk about it later.

I don't want to ruin her wedding plans but I am very hurt. Not to mention suspicious. Do I have this right? Have I let my imagination run wild?

Edit: Mary just text me, she wants me at the wedding. I have to find a flight out on Friday night.

Edit 2: After seeing some comments, I have decided not to go to the wedding. I texted her I was not coming and that I will decide when she gets home whether we have a relationship still.

COMMENTS

reticenthuman >A lot of ppl are saying she's shacking up with her ex... But isn't she there to be with her (almost) daughters? It's possible that nothing went on although it's not at ALL ok that there wasn't clear communication and honesty on her part. > >Sounds like this is something you guys need to have a good convo about first before some online strangers tell you your relationship is over and advise you to break up. (But I have no experience in this, so what do I know...) > >OOP >>We will talk we she gets back Sunday.

Sauceboss234 >Stopped reading after first 2 paragraphs. > >1 you should have been invited. 2 why is she staying at her ex’s house. 3. 3 years and she doesn’t respect you enough to keep communication up while staying at her ex’s. > >YOU DESERVE BETTER SIR.

Nibiru_realm >Yes you have the right! > >Your girl just stayed with her ex, barely communicated with you, and you have no clue about what she really has been doing. She won't be honest if she did. > >That's so sketchy and you should have a serious talk about this with her. > >If she's crying already, she may just be guilty of doing worse. > >Be careful and look out for yourself. Use your head and leave if you suspect anything.

Update 1 - after 4 days

^(September 06, 2021)

Update: My gf has gone M.I.A..

My gf got back yesterday afternoon. I picked her up at the airport. Once we got home we ordered some take out. I could not wait for dinner to be over. I think she dragged it out as long as she could. She was fidgety, in constant motion so she did not sit down. First it was the stuff from dinner, had to unpack, wanted to get laundry started. I finally took hold of her hands and sat her down.

She immediately started crying. I had not asked her anything. She was blubbering on about how bad she felt about how she mistreated me. I let her go until she calmed down. I started out asking how the girls were doing, howmwas the wedding, what were some of the things she did in then preparations. Did she do anything with the girls that were fun. This seem to calm her down and relax.

Then I asked why she disappeared and did not answer my texts. She says they were busy from the time she landed. She was out for meals and visiting old friends. I asked if the ex was with her during time. He was. So I asked if it felt no time passed since she was hone. She said it did. We went along this vain of questions for a bit.

I asked if she kissed her ex when she arrived. She said they hugged and she kissed his cheek. She said she kissed her friends when they met up. I asked if she held the ex's hand as they went to different places. She had. I then asked, what day did she sleep with him. She started crying so I stayed silent. She asked me why I would ask her that question. I told her she went missing for two days and when we did talk I did not feel she was missing me. I remained quiet. She thought on this and started crying again. She admitted they slept together each night except the first. After we made plans for me the fly out Friday she felt guilty, then when I told her I was not coming she was mad and slept with him the rest of the week.

This is too new, last night but I told her we need to break up. She is talking to family right now to arrange a place to stay. So sometime this week she will be moving out.

COMMENTS

tommagnum11 >I am so sorry 😞. > >It sounds as if you handled a terrible situation really well. Her actions are not a reflection on you, they are a reflection on her. > >higglepop >>I can not upvote this hard enough. That is something that's very easy to lose sight of in this situation. >> >>Her actions are not a reflection on you, they are a reflection on her.

PunisherOfDeth >Ugh this sub can be so depressing. Like I wish one of these situations would go right just one time but it feels like it’s always the worst. I’m sorry for you sir, and hope you can get a clean break from her and move on.

BlackStarBlues >I swear, some redditors are clairvoyant. > >I’m sorry this happened, OP. Please please be careful, I beg of you. Do not have sex with this woman ever again unless you want to be paying child support for the next 18 years. > >Stay strong & be good to yourself.

ProliferateZero >So, she was already sleeping with him multiple times, then got “mad” at you and used it as an excuse to continue sleeping with him? > >That’s gotta sting. I think you did the right thing in ending the relationship. I’m sorry.

Update 2 - after 2 weeks (after 10 day from last post)

^(September 16, 2021)

Update 2: My gf has gone m.i.a.

See my profile for previous posts. So, I had broke up with my gf after she revealed she slept with her ex several times while visiting for a wedding. She came over last night to get her remaining things with her father. While he was loading her stuff, which I had boxed up, we talked.

She had been communicating with her girls throughout the time we were together. I knew this. She was a mother figure to them, I get it. She did not talk to ex unless it was a quick wave as he walked past the FaceTime call. Since the beginning of the year, communication picked up due to wedding plans. The ex became a bit more involved as the plans needed to go by him. Eventually, that led to private calls between them.

She missed her family. As the time neared where she would be visiting, the calls increased to the girls and the private chats to the ex. He must have started saying all the right things. Once she landed, she stepped right back into 4 years ago as being a family. Once they slept together, he promised her they would get married and get pregnant. That's all she needed to hear. She would tell me when she got home. When I told her I was flying out that turned the plans upside down.

So this weekend, she is moving back to them. She has quit her job here, she has approached her old job there but nothing is definite. There are plenty of jobs waiting. I have nothing. Isn't that the way it is with cheaters? They go on to live their lives leaving devastation in their wake.

Edit. Everyone says she will be back. I won't take her back. I think she was settling with me. The ex would not marry and wanted no kids. He now says they can get pregnant and marry.. That is why she left. She loves those girls as her own.

COMMENTS

Kigichi >He SAYS they can marry and have kids. > >I doubt that he will actually follow through and she will be begging for another chance. > >Nope. > >OOP >>No longer my issue. I hope for her sake he will.

The__Riker__Maneuver >You can take solace in the fact that this is going to blow up in her face massively > >Old boy is simply telling her what she wants to hear because he needs help with his kids and is tired of doing it on his own > >You dodged a bullet my dude > >NatureCarolynGate >>dodged the Battle of Britain

RockYouLikeAMaster >when she come crawling back(i really think that it's when and not if),don't accept her back in your life. > >she already did her choice,and you don't have to accept being someone else's plan b.

Final update - after 5 weeks (after 3 weeks from last post)

^(October 08, 2021)

Last update: My gf has gone M.I.A.

Thank you all for the kind words and support. I last updated a few weeks ago after my ex left. Her dad, I ran into at a store, says she has settled back in with her family. She had tried to contact me but I have blocked her on everything. So her dad was just passing on one last apology. I have been working on myself. Gym, reading, work, friends. I know it just takes time. I really didnt need this last gut punch though. Anyways, thank you, again.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

u/AlabasterSting

My gf has gone M.I.A.

Main Post

Update 1 - after 4 days

Update 2 - after 2 weeks (after 10 day from last post)

Final update - after 5 weeks (after 3 weeks from last post)