Why don't I love my mom enough?
I'm writing this to see if anyone has any advice or went through something similar.
I don't think I love my mom. I like her. But my situation isn't like the ones of the posts I encountered when I searched for the topic. My mom isn't neglectful or a narcissist.
She'll give me the world if I ask. She loves me so much and is always worried about me. She always supported me in every decision I made, I know she would turn her life upside down to see me happy
She had a very difficult life to raise me well. She always showed me love and affection. She's patient, liberal, and she always allowed me to talk about anything with her without judgements. She's pretty and so kind. I moved out 4 years ago and she still helps me a lot financially. We have different interests and we argued sometimes, but nothing outside the normal and expected.
She's so good. I know for a fact 99% of people don't get as lucky as me with their moms. So why don't I love her as she deserves? I can't comprehend that and it makes me so deeply sad and miserable. I cry about it every week. About how she deserved to be loved, about how much I desire to give that love to her, about how I wish we could have a deep mother-daughter connection.
But I can't force it. I feel so sad seeing people describing their love for their mothers, giving gifts, posting pictures, wondering what is wrong with me and why did I never felt like this.
Why don't I like to spend time with her and how can I go months without her contact. Why I prefer other people than her.
I can't seem to find an explanation and I feel awful. I feel like the worst human being on the planet for not connecting with her and not loving her. I don't understand at all and I seriously believe there is something wrong with the way my brain works. And I'm not comfortable with that, "everyone is different and it's okay to not love your parents" doesn't work for me because I know for a fact, in my situation I SHOULD feel love for her and it's incredibly unfair to her.