AIO by blocking my father?
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I (24F) have just blocked my father (48M).
For some context my Mom (47F) left my father when I was 14, since then me and my siblings stayed with my father. We stayed with my grandmother, father’s mother, for 2 years before we moved into an apartment complex.
In the beginning I started doing things and helping around the house to try make the situation easier and help my father out. Over time, rather than it being me doing things to help out it became an expectation that I have to do everything and pick up after everyone.
Some of these things included, cooking dinner every night, washing everyone’s dirty laundry, get my siblings ready for school every morning amongst other things. I would always have to do everything by myself and when something wasn’t done when they wanted it to be or when I asked for help, my father and siblings always got angry, saying that it’s not their responsibility or that I should just do it cause it’s my job.
While all this was happening I was still in school, barely any time to homework or studying and basically being forced to be a free maid for my family. All my father would do is sit and play video games constantly or talked to women online, he gave up on parenting my siblings so they got to do whatever they wanted unless it annoyed or affected him.
At the same time I wasn’t allowed to go out with any of my friends or visit to chill with them.
Things over time just constantly became worse until it hit a breaking point when I was 21 and decided I was moving out and going to live with my mom. The day of moving out it was an entire shit-show, my father locking the apartment so I couldn’t get my things, screaming and causing a scene badly enough that the complex evicted them for the situation.
I stayed with my mom for a few months, and during that time my father would constantly accuse me of moving out just to live with my boyfriend. It basically was a variation of his accusations over the years that he would throw at me and my siblings about “being on our mothers side” or “only caring about our mother and not him.”
After about 6 or so months my boyfriend(27M) asked me to move in with him, we’ve been dating for nearly 4 years at time of posting.
Over those 4 years my boyfriend has done favors for my mom in terms of driving the kids either from her to my dad or my dad to her for weekend visits since my mom doesn’t have a car. He’s been fine to do this since it let’s me spend time with my siblings and helps my mom, who isn’t in the best financial situation.
Speaking of her rough financial situation, despite that my father makes my mom pay for all the kids things such as school fees, stationary, glasses, doctor appointments and such. My father spends all his money on consoles, anime figurines and “gift’s” for my siblings, stuff they complain about enough that he gives up and buys it for them.
In the past, until the most recent fuel price increase, we’ve always charged my mom R50 for petrol for the trip, while every time my mom asks my dad to bring the kids he wants to charge her R200.
My boyfriend did the math for his car’s KM to Price in the past to help him track how much he got at petrol stations and how much he needed to get wherever. He also did it so we could charge my mom the least we could for the trips.
My dad always wants to charge my mom R200 for 14km roundtrip, we charge R50 for a 40-ish km Roundtrip. Yeah makes sense.
So for the AIO part I guess.
This weekend, Mother’s day weekend, my mom wanted the kids by her for the weekend. Especially since she hadn’t had them for a weekend since December. On Saturday we drove, fetched my siblings from my dad and dropped them off by my mom’s house.
We didn’t stay long and visit at either because my boyfriend still has some back pain from sleeping like a twisted pretzel the past week. We spent the rest of Saturday resting and not doing much.
On Sunday we spent the morning visiting inside the main house with my boyfriend’s family, giving Mother’s days gifts to his mom and gran. I even got a small gift cause of our 2 furbabies.
After that I went out with my boyfriend’s mom, gran and sister to go out to eat breakfast and have a look around this nice thrift shop we found. My boyfriend stayed home, again because of his back, though he did clean up our apartment and neaten things up while we were gone.
When we got back and I checked on him we decided we weren’t going to visit my mom, his back still wasn’t feeling the greatest and I didn’t want to risk aggravating it and making it worse again. I let my mom know we weren’t going to be able to visit today(Sunday) and she was obviously worried about how the kids would get back to my dads house as we would’ve dropped them off on our way home, it’s on our way just before the highway we take.
So I call my dad to try convince him to not be an asshole and to pick up the kids without charging my mom out the ass. The conversation didn’t start well, him immediately being defensive and saying that my mom must either pay him R200 to fetch the kids or she needs to make a plan to get them to him.
I try convincing him, or rather start questioning why he wants to charge my mom R200 per trip when we do it for R50 for more than 5 time the distance. He starts going on about how I don’t understand and that it doesn’t work like that with his AA points and that it costs a lot more for him, especially with the petrol hikes, its 14km.
To me that doesn’t make sense, if the AA points is fuel points that’s a lie cause I know he uses either his or his mother cash to get fuel. If that AA Points is some insurance thing, that’s bullshit, how does a drive to fetch your children have anything to do with that in anyway.
So at this point I’m fed up and start tuning him that he’s their father and their his responsibility, that he needs to get off his ass and get his kids. He starts saying that I mustn’t tell him what to do but hangs up the call halfway through.
Now I’m super pissed off and send him a voice to go fetch the kids and he start arguing back, making more excuses and refusing, trying to turn it around on me and saying why can’t I go fetch them. They’re my siblings yeah, but I’m not their father, I’m open to helping when I can but they’re not actually my responsibility.
I then message my mom letting her know what happened, she says its fine and that she’s going Uber with the kids to my dads and then Uber herself home. She didn’t tell me how much but yeah, can imagine how much she had to spend.
So I lose my shit at my father, send him a voice note about how he lives with his mother, pays no money to food, utilities, fuel or even rent and contributes in no meaningful way to the house. How he expects everyone else to do things or pay for things while he blows all his money and his mothers money on, as I said, gaming, figurines, takeaway food and placating gifts for my siblings.
For additional context on the gifts, he bought my siblings things costing thousands. My brother, ps5 + ps5 headphones, that my brother complained and moaned enough to make my dad buy it, as I’ve said my dads given up on parenting my siblings.
My sister, got a puppy that cost R7500 about, that apparently at this point my sister doesn’t even look after or clean up after the puppy, according to my dad’s previous complaints.
Me, won’t even give me one of his Xbox 360 console sets and games that’s sitting in a cupboard gathering dust.
So anyway, after losing my shit at him he starts saying I have no right to talk to him like that and that if their mother wants to see the kids then it her responsibility, not his. That he’s not going to drive out petrol for her benefit when she doesn’t pay him what he wants.
At this point he throws his old insults in my face again, that if I’m such an ass-kisser I should go complain to my mom since I’m on her side. That I need to remember that I’m the one who “threw” him away, referring to me moving out, and that he can’t believe that I’m on my mothers side.
After that I decided to block him on Whatsapp, asked my boyfriend for help blocking his number completely when I got an sms a few hours after I originally blocked him.
The sms was basically him saying that he sees that I blocked him and that I’m basically telling him to go fuck himself and that I must feel so proud.
After everything else in the past and now this shit-show I’ve decided to no longer have contact with him and remove him from my life.
AIO for blocking my father and deciding to go no-contact with him?