I’m currently having a breakdown because I honestly feel so stuck in life right now.
My parents are pushing me to enroll in ICCT Colleges because it’s the only school we can realistically afford. And please don’t get me wrong — I know I should be grateful that I still have the chance to study despite our situation. I know naman that not everyone gets that opportunity. But no matter how hard I try to stay positive, the anxiety has been eating me alive lately.
Everything started becoming heavier after I failed the entrance exam at Rizal Technological University (RTUCAT). I traveled all the way from our province just to take that exam, hoping maybe I had a chance somewhere better. But I failed. I admit I didn’t review enough, and maybe that’s partly my fault, but it still broke me. I felt so disappointed in myself. Parang nagsayang lang ako ng pera, oras, at pagod para sa wala.
Now most state universities are already done with admissions, and honestly, I'm really scared to try because what if I fail again? We also can’t afford expensive private schools, and although I tried looking for scholarships, some of the requirements aren’t things I can easily provide. I tried applying for a scholarship in NU but I can't because there's a required grade that all must not be lower than 88 and I have an 84 grade.
The truth is, BS Architecture was really my dream course. That’s what I wanted for myself. But because we’re not financially stable, I slowly let that dream go because I know how expensive Architecture can be. Ang sakit lang isipin na kailangan mong bitawan yung gusto mo dahil lang alam mong hindi kaya financially.
Now my parents want me to take BS Accountancy in ICCT. I told them that if I really have to study there, maybe I could just take BSBA major in Financial Management instead because I feel like it would be less mentally draining for me. But they refused because it doesn’t have a board exam. They keep telling me, “Wala naman sa school ‘yan, nasa estudyante lang.”
And maybe they’re right somehow. But I can't help but feel scared because for a course like Accountancy, for me, the environment and system matter too. I’ve seen so many bad feedbacks about ICCT, and I keep asking myself: what if I fail there too? What if hindi ko kayanin? What if I lose myself trying to survive a course I wasn’t even fully sure about in the first place?
Lately, I’ve even started thinking about becoming a working student just so maybe I could help myself study in a better school or somehow lessen the burden financially. But deep inside, I already feel like my parents wouldn’t agree with that either. It's like kahit anong alternative na naiisip ko, walang tumutuloy.
I can’t help but feel emotional and frustrated because I feel like I have no control over my own future anymore. I don’t want to sound ungrateful because I know my parents are trying their best for me, and I appreciate every sacrifice they make. But at the same time, I feel like I have no voice in my own education and no freedom to choose what I genuinely think is best for me.
I graduated with a GWA of 90.5. I know I can keep up, but I’m scared of failing. I feel like I'm left with no choice.
Am I being ungrateful for feeling this way? Has anyone actually survived or graduated BSA from ICCT? Would you still take BSA if you were in my situation? I really need some honest advice or even just some "tough love" because I feel so lost.